My Week With Everyone
by seriousish
Summary: Now that he's retired from his life of crime-fighting, Ted Kord finds more time to improve his friendship with Zatanna. And Barbara Gordon. And Cass Cain. And Power Girl. And Platinum of the Metal Men...
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This work was betaed by Lego_Joker and has accompanying fan work by veinards and dylogger._

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><p>Ted Kord wasn't a superhero anymore. And his life had never been better.<p>

He'd had a good time as the Blue Beetle. Made some good friends, went on some adventures, actually accomplished one or two good deeds. Hadn't been raped, or brain-washed into an evil assassin, or killed and been brought back to life with a robot arm (Booster would've liked that). He'd just done his bit, developed a heart condition, packed in his blue spandex, and let that new kid in Texas have the name. Little guy seemed to be doing better with it than Ted ever had. Foiled an alien invasion already. That wasn't too shabby.

Now, his life was pretty simple. He slept in till about nine, got up had a healthy gluten-free breakfast, took a moderate jog up and down the blocks—never any muggers in his nice upscale subdivision, so he never had to worry about foiling street crime. Came back, showered, shaved—hot water, not anything like at the old embassy—then he went into work.

His lab was close enough that he could bike to it; that was great for his heart. Then he put in a couple hours doing some good, honest research. At the end of each day, he had something written down—progress. That was something he didn't miss about being a superhero. Locking up some clown—literally, if he was visiting Gotham—and then watching as they just broke out again and got locked up again and wondering what the hell had he accomplished, really? Earned the citizenry a reprieve from being terrorized by that particular clown, so that instead they could be terrorized by all the other clowns?

It was one thing when he was doing it with his friends (and Max Lord), but on his own, he was just a guy in an all-primary-color wardrobe knocking around poor people. Made you worry about a guy, when they did that too often. And hey, maybe a prosthetic leg with a built-in egg timer wouldn't save the world, but it had more of a lasting impact than putting Two-Face in jail for a week.

He owned a small business that paid okay. The work was pleasant. His apartment was a little cramped, but mostly cozy. He was an ordinary, average man with an ordinary, average life. Bilbo Baggins, if he'd been lucky enough never to find the One Ring.

So why was it that during his lunch break, while he'd been getting a healthy meal at Mario's (best kale in town), he'd heard an explosion and ran _towards _it? Well, he was in pretty good shape, even with his heart. He'd been sticking real hard to the diet and exercise the doctor had prescribed, getting him into the best shape he'd been in for the last five years. He didn't have a six-pack or anything, but he could probably fit into the suit again if he hadn't sold it on eBay for home theater money. And he had experience with crisis situations. He could work crowd control.

Yeah, that's what he'd do. Pick up any lost kids, help people out of rubble, maybe pull one person out of a burning building, tops. He certainly wasn't going to punch any alien invaders in the face-!

He had pepper spray for that.

Maybe it was because he missed working with a uniformly beautiful collection of female colleagues, all of whom saw nothing inappropriate about skintight bodysuits in the workplace. That idiot Bilbo only got to hang around with _dwarves…_

Ted ran four blocks before getting to Grand Street, arriving sweaty and low on breath (okay, maybe he wasn't in _that_ great shape). It was about the usual crisis. Dark sorcerer speechifying while he launched fireballs, Zatanna blocking with shielding spells and speaking her own mumbo-jumbo. She looked good. A lot of women in the business had to run and fight all the time, so they tended toward a certain athletic physique. That was great and all, but a little repetitive. Zee, though, she flew around on a magic carpet when she wasn't reading magic books and drawing magic circles. She had a few curves on her. Curves like her fishnet stockings probably had permanent bends-

"Get down!" Zatanna suddenly cried. Ted looked around to see what idiot was standing around during a firefight when he realized that, of course, it was him.

He ducked behind a parked car in time for an eldritch bolt of dark energy to send a chunk of concrete to a demon dimension instead of him. Quickly, he looked around to see how he could help out. Zatanna seemed to have it well in hand. He ran for it, the dark sorcerer laughing after him, before suddenly—

_How can this be! – Lothor, you should've known – impossible! I will return! You haven't heard the last – And I'll be there to stop you!_

Ted had heard it all before, but Zatanna was pretty good at it. Didn't stammer or accidentally call someone a hot dog like he had when he'd fought the Time Trapper. Safely in the nearest alleyway, Ted poked his head back out to see if anyone needed help. No, Lothor was screaming as he was sucked into a hellish otherworldly vortex. Everything seemed fine.

Brushing himself off, Ted started down the alley. Best to avoid running into Zatanna. It was just too awkward to meet up while one of you was in costume and one of you wasn't. Like seeing a teacher in public when you were a kid. Who let you out of school?

"Thanks for the help," Zatanna said behind him. Ted turned to see her striding through the mouth of the alley, her well-defined calves working splendidly inside her stockings. She definitely had a personal trainer. Maybe he should ask for the guy's name. Or girl. Maybe it was a girl. Zatanna and a girl trainer, working out together, spotting each other, holding a punching bag for Zee, sparring, wrestling, getting all sweaty and then taking a cool shower together—

_She's not the only one who could use a cold shower, ya dingus, _Ted heard his inner Booster Gold say. Out loud, he said "It was nothing."

"Yes, it was nothing. I was being laconic."

"Sarcastic even," Ted replied.

Zatanna planted her hands on her lips, legs akimbo, in a pose that would definitely get him into her magic show if it were on a poster. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

Ted sighed. "I'm, uh, I used to be the Blue Beetle," he admitted, quick and small.

"Huh? It sounds like you said you're the Blue Beetle."

"I am! Was!"

Zatanna's brow furrowed. "I thought you were Hispanic. Sorry, is that racist? You wear that full-body suit and you speak Spanish all the time, but, maybe you were adopted?"

"No, no, that's a different Blue Beetle. I'm the original. Or, well, the second. Ted Kord. Hi. I think we were on the Justice League together? I was in the Justice League."

Zatanna shook her head. "No, don't recall."

"Maybe the Justice Society? Doom Patrol? Teen Titans?"

"No. Besides, I would definitely remember you."

"Oh. Sorry." Why was he apologizing? "So, what can I do for you? You didn't just fall me into this dark alley to take my milk money, did you? Not that a girl has ever done that—"

She shook her head again. "No. I don't want your lunch money. I want to fuck."

"It was milk money, actually—_wha?_"

Zatanna stood there, in her suit poised between formalwear and lingerie, with dark blue panties atop long, stockinged legs, under a tight white shirt and tighter white corset. She'd already taken off her glittering blue jacket. With a brief gesture, a fire escape ladder came down next to her. She slung her jacket over it. "Fuck me. Right here. Before the cops or press get here."

"Oh, is this a sex magic thing?" was all Ted could think to say.

"No, it's wet cunt wants hard cock thing. _Seitnap ffo!" _

Her briefs appeared in her outstretched hand. She hung them on the lowest rung of the fire escape. Ted could see now that her stockings were crotchless, with the fishnets continuing up her plump ass. She unbuttoned her blouse next. Without it, her corset revealed the tops of her engorged breasts. She pulled it down enough for them to burst free, now hanging out with little regard for gravity. Maybe she'd said _elbisivni arb _earlier.

"Are you going to get your dick out by yourself or do I have to send your pants to the netherworld?"

Ted hurried to unzip his fly. His life had stopped making sense a long time ago; why demand it start again now? "Don't get me wrong, but is it like this all the time in the big League? I thought saving the world for real would be more hectic?"

"That's why we have so many reserve members. Someone can pick up the slack when you need a quickie. When you need it _right now!" _

She kissed Ted suddenly, so forcefully that he had to put one arm around her by force of habit as he continued struggling with his fly. When she sucked his tongue into her sweet mouth, his hand ripped right down the zipper, pulling the whole thing off the crotch of his pants. His cock sprung out to slap Zatanna's thigh.

She continued to kiss him, her soft body feeling maddeningly good pressed against his. But with one white-gloved hand, she reached down to grope him. Ted groaned as her mere touch made him grow even harder in her grasp. Maybe it was magic, maybe it was just that she was in fishnet stockings. Then she gave him a quick stroke, swelling his cock, filling it with need for her. Ted was amazed he didn't jizz on the spot.

"_Ysae riahc won!" _Zatanna cried, letting go of his prick after one last squeeze. Behind her, a trash can turned into an easy chair. Zatanna dropped down into it without even looking, her legs spreading wide to either armrest. Ted stared into her open, inviting cunt; wet, pink depths begging to be entered, used as he pleased. It seemed too good to be true. It was probably a scheme, some dastardly plot by Circe or someone to get his guard down. But who the fuck cared?

Unable to wait even a second longer, he moved over Zatanna, leaned over her with one arm on the chair's headrest, and guided himself in with his other hand. Not fast enough for Zee's liking. She grabbed him with both hands and pulled him to her heated opening, where he resisted just as the tip of his cock touched her soft flesh.

"Are you, uh, sure you want to do this?" Ted asked. "You get that I'm not the other Blue Beetle, right? Either of them?"

"Fuck me now or I will put a hex on your harmonic convergence!"

That sounded bad. He decided to do as she'd said. It was very easy when she gave a little bunt of her hips, forcing his cock between her labia lips, the very tip of him now grasped by her. Letting him know how wet and ready she was. She gave another push with her hips and he pushed back, inside her, all the way in, sweet and long and deep and full.

"You're in!" Zatanna crooned. "Inside me!"

"Sorry!" Ted apologized reflexively. Anything that felt this good—this tightwethotjuicy—had to make someone feel guilty.

"Stop apologizing, you idiot! It's in! It's in!"

She kissed him again, and whatever Ted had been holding back to be on the look-out for her being Cheetah in disguise or something—he stopped holding back. He threw himself into her with deep, certain strokes, grinding himself against her when he was in to pleasure her wonderful cunt.

Zatanna did the same, thrusting herself up to meet and take his fucking. Her body moved with graceful rhythm, rising, dipping, even plunging when he struck her, her sex eagerly accepting what was being done to it. She gasped in his ear. He almost thought it was another incantation, but then he made it out; "Do it! Do it, Ted! Fuck me!"

"I am! I'm fucking you! Fucking you!" He laughed in disbelief, Zatanna yelling over him.

"Fuck me! Fuck me to death!"

With as often as people in their line of work came back, she might've even meant literally.

The bedsprings of the easy chair creaked under them. Zatanna stripped off her gloves to dig her nails into his back. He kissed her as he reached down to her long legs and ran his hands over those famous fishnets like he'd always wanted to do.

In the distance, he'd heard sirens. Objectively, he'd known this wouldn't be a long fuck. He could already feel his cum churning at the base of his cock, dying to shoot into her, now precum oozing off his tip. Belatedly, he thought of condoms, birth control, all that stuff. He should probably pull out right now, but he couldn't control himself. It was just too fucking good, and Zatanna felt the exact same way, her climax inches away. But she saw the hesitation in his eyes.

"Don't stop!" she demanded of him. "You stop and I'll—I'll turn you into a toad!"

He burst out laughing. "Horny toad!"

"It's not that funnneeeeee!" she replied, losing herself on the last word, driving herself to her own climax, ass bouncing and humping, hips pistoning against his with new power. Ted tried to match her, but he just couldn't. He was already lost to the sweet paralysis of his cum. Zatanna was right there with him. She didn't hold herself there. She hugged him tight to her body with one hand; the other one reached down and finished her off with a frantic vibration of her clit.

Her nails clawed into his shoulder. Hot blood spilled out. "You did it! You did it!" she whimpered, head flung back. "Come with me, come inside me, now! Now! Nowwww!"

Ted had never fucked a girl like this in all his life, never this hot, never this hard, never this satisfying. And he'd never wanted anything as much as he wanted fire his cum into her box. In the end, he had no choice. His cock jerked and swelled, his hips spasming, his mouth dropping open in a long moan.

"Zatanner—Zatina—zahurflmgh!" He couldn't pronounce her name to tell her he was coming, but it was obvious to Zatanna. Within a few seconds, her sex was filled by Ted pouring himself into her.

Throb followed throb until Zatanna thought he would never stop coming, his cock held deep inside her, his body tensed to the point of stoniness, all his senses awash in the myriad pleasures of his orgasm. Weeks of sexual inactivity burst from him, shooting high into Zatanna's center, pooling, overflowing, gushing onto Zatanna's thighs and bottom and the surging dick of Ted Kord.

Ted had never had a climax feel so good or last so long, but finally, it was over. He collapsed listlessly beside her, the chair just big enough for the both of them. Zatanna kissed him again, then stood. She grabbed her panties off the fire escape and slid them back on.

"Thanks for a magical evening," she said with the cheesy grin of a pick-up artist, then turned to leave… giving him a magnificent view of her ass before she covered it with the tails of her jacket.

Ted watched her go only as much as he sat there in disbelief. Only the chair turning back into a trash can underneath him spurred him into moving. He put as his flaccid cock and tucked his shirt in to cover the hole at his crotch. Then he continued to wonder what the hell had just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Ted couldn't sleep. Obviously, there was no way he could go back to work after that, so he clocked out early, went back home, and tried to catch up on his DVR. He ended up watching the same episode of Parks & Rec five times, always sure he would be paying attention _this _time. Finally, he gave up, went to the fridge, grabbed a beer—weren't there studies about beer being good for your heart?—and drank the whole bottle in one chug.

He decided it was adrenaline. You heard about it all the time. Nightwing and Huntress being so energized after catching the Riddler—or some other, more romantic villain—that they just had to rip each other's clothes off and go to town on the nearest rooftop. Sure, that was mostly in the same tabloids that claimed Ms. Martian was really a White Martian, but they had to be right some of the time. He'd just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Hell, if he'd been able to just grab a fawning admirer off the streets as a superhero and get down to bone, he'd probably still be the Blue Beetle. It helped if you had fawning admirers in the first place…

Now he laid in bed, three beers in him, staring at the ceiling. He shouldn't get hung up on this. It wasn't like they were in a relationship. It was just a quickie, a hook-up, like all the kids do these days. She'd probably already forgotten what he looked like.

So he would include a signed photo when he sent some chocolates to her. Crap, she'd already used 'thanks for a magical evening,' that would've made for a perfect signature!

Abruptly, Ted wasn't looking at the water damage in his ceiling anymore. He was looking at the gimp who was looming over him. A gimp with a great body, slender and feminine with a great set of small, well-formed breasts denting her chest's costuming, but still. Ted had seen enough horror movies to know waking up in the middle of the night and people in skintight leather did not make a happy equation. Cripes, she was wearing some sort of stitched together mask that covered her entire face, her lips sewn shut, her eyes just blank black lenses!

"Are you gonna rape me?" he asked the horror movie. "I know I prance around in a lot of skimpy outfits and I'm a little drunk, but that's no excuse!"

She stared at him with an obvious air of incomprehension. Then she pointed at her chest. There was a yellow Bat-symbol there. "Batgirl," she announced in a voice strangled by a thick Cantonese accent.

Oh. Yeah. He'd heard Batman had gotten a new one. Be easier to recognize her if he didn't keep to that urban legend thing like he _hadn't _stopped half-a-dozen alien invasions. People must have short memories in Gotham.

"Oh, uh, hey. Is this about Zatanna? Because I wasn't planning to bother her or tell anyone what happened, honest. Our little secret. She doesn't have to send someone to rape me!"

"Not… rapist," she labored out. Then she took her mask off. She was a dark-haired girl, Asiatic, her face fuller than her slim physique would suggest—apple-cheeked—cute. Hair cut short, straight and black, combed back from her forehead in a windswept concession to her cowl. An X-shaped scar was healing on one cheek; another led down from her neck and disappeared into her costume. And she was as Asian as her accent had suggested, with tan skin and full, dark eyes. Young, too. Like, she-should-be-in-college young.

Teenage Asian girl in skintight bondage gear? Ted knew Gotham had Catwoman—and Poison Ivy—and Harley Quinn—all three of them, really—but c'mon! It wasn't like Ted had found the first bisexual redhead supermodel in the Yellow Pages and made her Beetle Girl. Wait, could he have?

Batgirl was still fixated on him. He got the impression she could see right through him—like most women. "Okay, you're not going to rape me," Ted said, hoping he didn't sound disappointed. "What are you doing here, then? Are you investigating something? Asking me to join the Outsiders? What, what is it? _Whaddyawant?"_

"Penis." She pulled his sheets down his chest, off his pajama bottoms. Looked down at his crotch. With a quick, decisive motion, she grabbed hold and began to stroke. Ted groaned—that leather was cold, but in a nice sort of way. In a few moments, she had him poking out of his lowered bottoms. "_Big _penis."

"So," Ted grinned smugly, "I guess Zee gave me a glowing recommendation!"

"Who?"

"Zee. Zatanna. Sorcerer? Super-cute, fishnet stockings?"

Batgirl continued to pump him, her face blank with confusion. "…Black Canary?"

"No. Forget it."

"Yes," she agreed, her free hand going to her yellow belt. As soon as she snapped the buckle, its many heavy pouches dragged it down along with her pants. She stepped out of them. Her legs bare, long and strong, tattooed with many tiny scars. Some not so tiny. But then he looked up and saw that she wasn't wearing panties. _Probably in a vending machine somewhere, _he thought, before chiding himself for being racist. He didn't even know if she was Japanese, she could be Vietnamese or Chinese or—

In an acrobatic display as quick as any Olympic event, Batgirl vaulted onto the bed and seated herself on his now erect cock. She bit her lip, her eyes flaring, but soon had him well-inserted into her. He actually moaned at how tight she was. Fucking Taiwanese women!

"Fuck," Batgirl said, as concise as ever. "Fuck," she told him again, and Ted realized it was an instruction. In the superhero world, you always did what a Bat told you. Especially when they were an Asian, teenage girl Bat. In skintight black leather.

He reached up and grabbed her breasts right through the yellow symbol—oh God, never let Batman find out about that—and found them good in his hands, swelling, warming right through the leather. Batgirl looked down at his groping hands with her usual mask of consternation, but she soon warmed to his touch. Her lips quirked. She made a tiny 'mmm' noise like she had smelled chocolate.

Ted rose up—he really should do more sit-ups, it shouldn't be that hard—and kissed her. She complied passionately, if a little clumsily—a little nervous, even. Ted guessed they didn't have much time for a dating life, up in Gotham. He stroked her hair, trying to reassure her, but she grabbed his hand and brusquely moved it back to her breast.

"Fuck," she repeated. "Now."

Well, she asked for it. Expecting to be knocked out and wake up dangling from a rooftop at any moment, Ted wheeled her around and lowered her so she was on her beck. Him on top of her, his prick digging into her waiting cunt. Her eyes fluttered closed, encased in a mask of pure lust. Teenage Asian submissive in skintight bondage gear. What was next, a lesbian fling with a cute blonde? How this girl wasn't up there on all those internet polls _Ted never participated in _with Power Girl and Wonder Woman was beyond him.

Batgirl locked her legs around his back. Ted found it worryingly impossible to move. Her legs and sex were holding him way too tightly. Not that he minded, being imprisoned by the delicious muscles of her sex, grinding his hard shaft with warmth and wetness.

"Fuck!" she insisted, which… he _was. _"Hard!"

Ted looked down at the girl, trembling and writhing under him. Shit, he wasn't wearing a condom again. He was going to have to put one on twenty-four-seven. Or get a vasectomy. Fuck it, she was a Bat. If she could have contingency plans for Clayface, she'd certainly be on the pill. He drove his cock down all the way to batter every inch of her soft, hot sex. She gasped, the noise shatteringly loud in the quiet night, and her legs flew straight up. She kissed him, he kissed her back, finding her even more receptive as he slammed her cunt hard.

"Good!" she shrieked in ecstasy. "Good! Good! Good!"

Maybe if they ever went on a second date, he'd give her flowers and a thesaurus. He knew Bats didn't need much of a vocabulary beyond "where," "drugs," and "justice," but this was ridiculous. _Yeah, Ted, that's the part that's ridiculous. Her _word bank.

He had set a steady rhythm now, powering into her with increasing speed, his balls slapping against her muscle-hard ass hard enough to spank. Little gasps of pleasure escaped her, but he had to strain to hear them over the smacking of their bodies. It was worth the effort.

Suddenly Batgirl's body stiffened, back arched and head flung back in pleasure. Like a woman possessed, her body lunged forward against him before it froze completely rigid. Her legs clamped so tightly around him that Ted could feel his bones creak, but more importantly, he could feel her cunt throbbing, pulsing with life—then a sharp sense of wetness as it flooded with orgasm.

"Give!" she screamed. "Give! Give me! Give!"

He pumped into her as best he could, but his balls were aching with cum. He knew he would have to finish soon, and she knew it too. After a fresh wave of wetness splattered against his groin, she pulled him tight to her chest, her arms as strong as her legs.

"Come!" she whimpered in his ear.

He grabbed her hardened ass, a scar under one palm, and thrust into her as hard as he could, a half-dozen blows to her open cunt that had the bedframe cracking underneath her. Then his cock was jerking spasmodically. It was over.

"With me!" she cheered, her body tensing for one last orgasm to rip through it. He lunged into her saturated cunt once more and made it even wetter, firing a good three, four bursts of jizz to put out her burning pussy. It wasn't nearly as much as he'd given Zatanna, but after depleting his reserves a few hours ago, he thought it was more than enough.

He rolled them over, holding Batgirl tightly on top of him as they both shuddered with the last of their shared climax. He breathed in little gasps, her own tiny breaths in counterpoint. Her hair was even more disheveled than before, festooned with sweat to burst out in a dozen direction. He brushed it out of her eyes, then turned her face so he could see them.

"How was it?" he asked.

"…big," she replied at length.

He really hoped she wasn't talking about his stomach.


	3. Chapter 3

It had to have been a dream. Had to have been. The black hairs he found on his pillow the next morning—the lingering scent—just coincidences. A submissive Asian teenage girl in black leather bondage gear who had admitted to him in the afterglow that she'd only ever done it before with her blonde best friend, _who was also Batgirl—_clearly a wet dream.

Batgirl-on-Batgirl action. Booster would've loved that. He thought Fire and Ice were dating too. Then again, if anything could make a girl a lesbian, it'd be Guy Gardner. Hadn't he hooked up with both of them? Compared to that, Ted getting with Zatanna _and _Batgirl in the same day seemed plausible…

Ted sat up in bed. He thought he smelled something. _Not _that weird leather smell you got with the Bats—this was more—beefy. Drawing his BB gun from his nightstand, he slid from wall to wall over to the kitchen, where the smell was strongest. Poking his head out did not seem like SWAT protocol, but he didn't have a mirror handy.

His kitchen was not meant for more than one, maybe two people in it. It was a stripe of linoleum between two counters, one holding the sink and dishwasher, the other with the refrigerator and stove. There was a woman in-between them, reflecting the dim early morning light as she chopped up potatoes, carrots, and bits of celery with a sharpened finger. Because she was metal. A silvery robot like the T-1000, only a girl, like the T-1000 in that third Terminator movie they made for some reason.

And she was a good-looking girl. Tall, leggy, and—'bosomy'. If Ted thought of the metal skin as a jumpsuit, then it fitted her lush body like it was in love with it. She had the pleasant, unprepossessing features of a homecoming queen, framed by a wealth of sheeny hair. There was an innocent sensuality that just hung about her: almost unnoticed until a few moments passed, and then it drew the eye past the shock of her argent body.

"Ted?" she called, looking up sharply. Ted ducked his head back around the corner. "Is that you?"

"…no?" Ted tried.

"I let myself in. Hope you don't mind. I notice you don't have any real breakfast foods, so I thought I'd fix you something. I hope you don't mind, but I made beef stew. I'm good at that. With other stuff, I'm never really sure of whether it'll kill people or not. But this should be fine. I used the same recipe with Dr. Magnus and he liked it very much."

Ted suddenly felt a bit foolish, hiding around the corner with a gun in his hand. "Are you a creepy cyborg lady here to kill me?"

"No! I'll only kill you with kindness!"

Ted tried again. "Is kindness a supervillain name?"

"That would be a pretty poor name for a supervillain."

"It'd be ironic…" Ted argued, before ditching the gun and coming out into the open. "Hey, no offense, but what are you doing here? Did I leave the front door open, because you're the second person—"

"It was closed," she interrupted. "I turned my finger into a key!"

"Uh-huh." Ted got a whiff of the stew as she opened his crock pot to dump the chopped produce in. "I'm sorry if we've met before, but I don't recognize you covered in silver—wait, are you Bulleteer?"

"That wannabe? No way!" Turning her hand into a wire whisk, she stirred the stew. "I'm Platinum, of the Metal Men! But you can call me Tina."

"The Metal Men?"

"Robotic guardians of the Earth? Invented by Dr. Magnus? Powered by responsometers?"

Ted shook his head.

"We have a movie! Wonder Woman doesn't have a movie, you know!" Tina sighed. "We met briefly at the biorobotry conference in Zurich. You probably don't recognize me—I was a chair."

Ted snapped his fingers. "Best seat in the house!"

"Yes! You gave that talk on xenobiology in cybernetic circuitry—it was very moving. Tin couldn't stop crying for a week."

Ted nodded briefly. "Uh, thanks. It was really more of a technical—exercise."

Tina flicked her hand in the air. "Oh, I know. Tin cries about everything. We've had to replace five rusty eyes just this year. Anyway, I was in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop by, see how you're doing with that weird human body of yours. It hasn't spontaneously decided to kill you, has it?"

Ted shook his head. "Just some heartburn."

"Oh, good! You really are a darling man. A superhero who named himself after a beetle. The world wouldn't be the same without you."

"Thanks." Ted stepped into the kitchen, trying not to look her over too carefully. Easy, when she reflected his gaze. "Though, beetles are actually great survivors. I mean, by comparison, bats are—that smells great, Tina."

"Thank you!"

"I had a bit of a weird day yesterday," he explained. "So sorry if I'm not coming off too well. I suppose a woman—breaking into my house to fix me breakfast isn't too strange. Because for a minute there, I thought you were going to have sex with me."

"Oh, we can do that too!" she said chipperly. "The stew won't be ready for another twenty minutes. Would you like my ass now, Ted?"

"You… have an ass?" Ted asked hesitantly.

When he first came in, Platinum had had on—sorta—a sort of delineated one-piece swimsuit in a concession to modesty. Ted supposed she was naked either way; like one of those sleazy comic books where everyone was obviously drawn nude, but they colored their bodies blue so it looked like they were wearing the world's tightest spandex. But now, Platinum changed her body so she was clearly naked, sexualized, her breasts unbound with erect nipples and her ass divided into two separate globes, with a tight little bud in-between them. As she looked over her shoulder with her eyebrows lifted questioningly, she thrust out her valentine-shaped ass for him to feed his cock into. And he was rapidly becoming painfully hard.

"Uh…" Ted said. "No offense, but—you're made of metal."

"Yes, platinum! Hence my name! Platinum!"

"Yes, I get that—"

"Tina, for short! That nickname is mostly formed by shortening the word 'platinum'!"

"Yeah, I'm following you there, but I'm made of—mostly water. Some snacks… I don't think I could get hard enough to… penetrate you. Maybe if I were still a teenager…"

Platinum smiled knowingly. "It's alright. Platinum is one of the more ductile, malleable metals. Gold is a bit softer than me, but that'd be like penetrating Silly Putty!" She frowned. "You haven't done that, have you?"

"No!"

"Alright then! Please, insert yourself into my ass. I'll do everything I can to make it comfortable for you!"

"Okay," Ted said, "just let me get a condom."

"Teddy!" Tina cried, exasperated. "I'm a robot. You don't have to worry about that. Although I will have to use your sink to wash myself out after, so it doesn't start to smell."

"Uh-huh," Ted nodded. He resolved to stop thinking about that, or anything else for that matter.

With Tina still monitoring the crock pot, Ted came up behind her and placed his hands on her ass cheeks, spreading them apart. Her 'flesh' was soft to the touch—he could dent it slightly by exerting enough pressure, like she was thick clay. She was cool as well, but his thumbs, deep in the curve of her ass, detected warmth. Ted guessed it was her inner nanomotors hard at work, powering her. God, the workmanship was incredible. How he would love to get inside her…

Then Tina shook her ass a little, and he remembered that's what he was _supposed _to do. Her anus looked far too small for the entrance of his prick, but she seemed to know what she was doing. Digging his cock out of his pants, Ted settled the tip at her ass crack—

"Hold on," Tina said quickly, then concentrated. Her anus suddenly expanded in diameter, dilating. "I think that should work better. I gave myself the equivalent of a two-finger penetration and some rimming."

"Oh. Okay. I usually need a magazine before I do that, but okay."

Ted thrust forward as Tina pushed her ass back. His cock bent a little, not going in, but then Tina's asshole fluttered again, relaxing, and he found himself slipping into her. She was still almost impossibly tight, her ass resisting him like a clenched fist, but he cranked away, shoving, prying like he had a crowbar instead of penis. And slowly but surely, his cockhead disappeared up her ass.

"Oh my!" Tina exhaled. "That feels too good! Hold on a moment, let me downgrade my sensitivity perceptors. I don't want to come too quickly. There, done."

His hands now saddled on Tina's thighs, Ted forged ahead, getting the head of his cock inside her. That was the hardest part. His shaft followed easily, gliding in after the widest part of his prick. Ted watched in amazement as the whole of his cock was buried, right to the hilt. His balls jammed against Tina's crotch, his belly pressed tight against her cheeks, and he held the deepset penetration, letting her asshole clamp snugly around his fat cock.

"Oh fuck!" Tina bit her lip, leaving gentle indentations with her teeth. "You're so big—Dr. Magnus is the sweetest, most wonderful man in the world—you're a close second—but he doesn't have a great big _cock _like you! Downgrading sensitivity perceptors again…"

Platinum lowered her head, thrust her ass out, actually pushing Ted back until he hit the other counter. She squirmed, rubbing her butt in a circle against his flesh. He had to gird his hands on her hips and push forward with all his strength to get some breathing room. Then, holding her still, Ted pulled out until only the tip of his dick was still inside her. He paused to reach around her and grip her breasts, feeling her ductile nipples and twisting them like wrenches on lugnuts. Tina crooned.

"Downgrading sensitivity perceptors—downgrading sensitivity perceptors…!"

Ted slammed his rod home again.

"Oh shit!" Tina whimpered, whined, overjoyed at having her ass full of cock again. "Oh shit!" She reached between her legs and found his balls nestled against her thighs. Her hand melted on them, covering his entire sack with her chilled metal. The sensation electrified Ted. He repeated his earlier stroke, ramming himself into her again and again. Friction smooth, slippery, fluid—fit tight, warm, welcoming—pleasure unbearable. He hauled her ass up for a better angle and then drove himself into her with total abandon. As a robot, he didn't have to worry about hurting her, and he was now quite sure he couldn't harm himself inside her either.

"Downgrading sensitivity perceptors!" Tina chanted, then screamed as he plunged into her once more. "Please, Ted—oh please—I can't take them any lower! You'll make me-!"

Ted felt his cock swelling inside her. "You won't have to worry about it much longer."

Tina babbled as he plowed into her, her minimized sensitivity perceptors still overwhelmed with ecstasy. "Detecting enlargement of the glans—rush of blood to genitalia—testicle growth of forty percent—increased heart rate, increased blood pressure—muscles of pelvic floor, vas deferens, seminal vesicles, and prostate gland contracting… sperm and semen entering the urethra… oh yes! Shoot your ejaculate in me! Fill me with your statistically average five milliliters of semen!"

Ted fell back against his counter, gripping Tina by the hipbones and hauling her atop his groin, pulling her asshole down on his cock like a hand into a glove. He huffed and puffed as his cock spurted, pouring into her bowels. Tina detected sizable quantities of ejaculate splashing inside her and initiated her orgasm program. It flowed ecstatically until Ted's balls had been drained. Then he gave up the ghost, lowering Tina to the ground, drawing out of her, and then dropping his bare butt to the kitchen floor. His semen-wet cock swayed, down but not out.

"That ejaculation was not statistically average," Platinum reported.

"Sue me," Ted retorted happily.

"I found that experience very stimulating. I believe I will replay our encounter many times in the future. But for now—may I gather a wider range of stimuli for the sake of variety?"


	4. Chapter 4

They had breakfast in bed. As the soup cooled, Platinum tried riding Ted. When that proved not so good for his hips, they did it the other way, and Ted managed another cum inside her. Then, both her ports equally tainted, Platinum left him to enjoy his soup. She said Dr. Magnus would notice she was gone soon and that she had to get back. Before she left, she asked if she could wash up. Ted agreed, and she began unscrewing her groin from her chassis.

The soup was good, though.

Finally, Ted was left alone, naked and dirty with dried cum atop the sheets of his bed. He felt too wired to sleep, too tired to move.

"Well, that was quite the performance. I'd give you a standing ovation, but—"

That voice was as familiar as a voice could be without Ted being able to place it. He raised his head, craning his neck to the shadows, and saw the seated redhead with the smart haircut, the wire-rim glasses, and the wheelchair. Now he knew her.

Barbara Gordon had not gone to seed at all since the injury that cost her a career as Batgirl. She prided herself on staking a claim in her own life, and part of that was pushing herself just as hard as she had when she had her legs. With all the weapons she had stowed in her chair, Ted wouldn't face off against her. Even bare-handed, he wouldn't put money on the outcome.

Her intelligence was more captivating than looks could ever be. And though dressed down in a pair of slacks and a comfortable looking sweater, her looks were none too shabby either. She was a slender woman, with blazing red hair and equally vivid green eyes. Her hips were narrow and her breasts were modest, but that just kept them from overwhelming the simple, elegant beauty of her features.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded. "How were you even here without Platinum noticing you!?"

"I'm a Bat. Some things you don't forget."

"She's a robot!"

"_I'm a Bat," _she reiterated. "Which reminds me—planning to hit a home run with that thing, Kord?"

He was so drawn in by the sight of that lovely face, most especially when framed by those librarian glasses, that it took Ted a second to remember his nudity. He tried to pull the covers over him, but he was lying on them. He had to settle for drawing them up in a screen between himself and Babs.

"Barbara," he said, dry-mouthed. "Now's not a good time…"

"Oh, I'd say it's the perfect time." Barbara peeled off her sweater. Underneath, her tanktop fit to her bust like a second skin, and bared the impressive biceps left behind by Batman's training. "You're naked—we're alone—sounds like one of our own cybering sessions."

"I thought we were doing that ironically," Ted protested weakly. "I didn't even send you any nudes!"

"I'm Oracle. If I wanted to know what you looked like naked, I'd know. Case in point…" She rolled closer, next to his bed, so close that if she strained, she could see over the sheet he was pulling almost to the point of ripping. "Do you want to do it through the sheet? Seems a little orthodox for your tastes."

"You cannot tell me you flew all the way out here to have sex with me."

"I own a private jet. What else do you want me to do with it?"

"Fight crime?"

"That got old. Dinah and Helena are off getting dick—or Dick, maybe. Zinda is practicing her hangover. I need some cock. And I don't know if you've noticed, but a Sybian is a little impractical in my present condition."

Ted gave her a tired grin. Considering how kinky their cybering had gotten, this was actually pretty conventional. "So what do you have in mind?"

"Why don't you just lie there while I show you?" Barbara tugged the sheet out of his grip, then reached between his legs for his cum-soaked cock. When she lifted it, a tiny dribble of his milky semen ran down his foreskin. She leaned in, inhaling deeply. "It's been too long…"

"I think you should know—I just had anal sex. Though it was with a robot, so that's probably hygienic…"

"So that's robot on your cock," Barbara murmured. "Wonder how it compares to pussy…" She touched him with the tip of her tongue, lapping his cream off his cockhead and swirling it between her cheeks, under her tongue, only sucking it down her throat when the taste was gone. She felt its leaden travel down her gullet. "Not bad… I still wish you'd fucked a human pussy, though. Better aftertaste."

"You want to come back in an hour? I might have bedded Supergirl. I'm on something of a hot streak."

"In an hour I'll probably need to pull some idiot's fat out of the fire. No offense. But hey, since you're right here, why don't I get some straight from the source…"

Ted put his hands behind his head. "If your mouth's as good as it looks, you can have all you want."

Barbara licked her lips. "Oh, Batman never trained me for that. Fortunately, I'm a natural…"

Even as she said the words, she was lowering her head to lock her lips around Ted's cock. Almost immediately, her sex was tingling with answering pleasure, a burning ache between her legs. She reached down into her panties to stir her soft clit as she effortlessly deep-throated Ted, vacuuming up every speck of cum left on his prick.

"Oh fuck yes," Ted groaned. With the hunger Barbara was displaying, he wouldn't be surprised if she actually sucked his balls into her mouth alongside his cock. "Lick the robot right off my cock…"

Barbara's head was now bobbing up and down wildly, headbutting his stomach every time she took him in her mouth. And each time, the heat from his feverishly warm body seemed to flow right down to her clit. She plucked inside herself, aiming for a spot that long experience taught her would satisfy—but it had never felt like this before. Her back arched, out of control, and his cock slipped from her mouth, slapping against Ted's stomach. Babs glared at it needfully, but took the opportunity to delve into her wheelchair and come up with a vibrator.

"You have a vibe in your chair?" Ted asked, grateful for the respite himself.

"I hang around with a slutty blonde in fishnets all day. Sometimes a girl needs some relief." Barbara brought the buzzing toy down between her legs. "And have you seen what Huntress wears? If that cut-out panel showed off anymore of her body, she'd be Power Girl!"

"Didn't you try to recruit Peej back in the day?"

Barbara grinned. "Am I that transparent? Guess I'll just have to distract you… use your hands this time." She jammed her mouth down on his unwavering erection, gurgling and moaning as she drove her vibrator into herself as well.

Ted would have liked nothing more than for this to go on all night, but he knew he only had a few minutes. Her mouth was a black hole; it was only a matter of time until his cum broke free and was pulled in. Barbara slapped his ass as she sucked him, her eyes darting to his, then to his hands. He quickly brought them to her head and began guiding her up and down.

Barbara gratefully accepted the rhythm he set, using both hands between her thighs, keeping the pace he set by jabbing his shaft into her throat until he was brutally crushing her face to his crotch and she had her vibrator all the way in her cunt.

"MMMMMMMMMMMFFPH!" Barbara choked, gluing her lips to the tightening muscles at the base of his shaft. Her pending climax sped until it flew apart, a million hot fingers inside her, rubbing every inch of her sex. She relaxed into sighs of pleasure, letting Ted take over.

He pounded his cock in and out of her throat until his shaft was filled with surging warmth, then humped his ass back and forth like a jackhammer, showering the warmth of his cum deep down her gullet. "Oh yes, baby… oh yes," Ted whispered, holding Barbara in place as he drove his hips up with all his might. He stayed suspended in her throat until his cum was finished, then he dropped back down to the bed.

Barbara raised from his crotch, hair a mess, glasses askew, mouthful of cum. She rolled the flavor over her tongue. "No robot. Just you. _Much _better." She picked up her sweater off the floor. "Well, see ya…"

"You're just gonna leave?" Ted asked. "After all that?"

Barbara smiled at him as she cleaned her glasses of an errant drop of cum. "Hate to break it to you, big guy—but I've flown further for a good meal."


	5. Chapter 5

Ted laid in bed a good long time. He still wasn't sure he was crazy or not; maybe he'd gotten a whiff of some Poison Ivy pheromones and was having a wet dream in the Watchtower's med-bay. How would he know? It didn't help when his phone vibrated and he answered it to find a picture of Black Canary and Huntress—BC's head between the Huntress's legs and vice versa—had been sent to him. _The kids say hi, _Barbara's text read.

That heated him up so much, Ted decided he needed a cold shower. This was getting out of hand. In the bathroom, though, the water came out warm and soothing. It reminded him of how warm Batgirl had been… in his dream. Between her cape and her costume's top, she'd been cool leather all over. All but her legs, and her tight sex. Those had been hot.

It had felt so real… the memory was so insistent… his cock stirred. Ted didn't even have to touch it; it grew to a full erection that Ted tried to ignore, soaping up his chest and arms and okay, his groin… it felt pretty good… _really _good… okay, he was holding his cock… Christ, this was immature.

Ted was just getting into it—thinking of Zatanna helped as well—when the shower curtain ripped open. Ted spun, expecting to see Norman Bates cross-dressing, but he wasn't there. It was Mary Marvel.

She was a slender brunette in her early twenties, around five foot four with a petite, compact look. Her long, straight brown hair hung down to her shoulders, and she generally had a pleasant, sometimes shy smile on her freckle-dusted face. She wore a short white dress belted with gold, a yellow lightning bolt emblem on her chest as visible as her abundant cheerfulness. A girl-next-door type who always appeared clean and scrubbed, no matter where she went or what she did. Only now she was seeing him hunched over with his cock hard in his hand, pumping it once or twice before he could jerk to a stop.

"Doesn't anyone ever knock?" he asked.

"Mr. Kord!" she cried, looking down at his cock, still in his hand, still rigid, still very long. "What are you doing?"

"Showering."

"What were you doing in the shower!?"

"Wuh-washing. What are _you _doing in my bathroom?"

She ignored the question. "You weren't washing! You were pulling your prick! Weren't you!?"

"…maybe."

"Mr. Kord!" she cried again, "I realize the risks of masturbation have been greatly exaggerated in the past, and it has some value as stress relief, but—golly—doesn't it just seem _rude _to you?"

"Not… not really. Why are you in my bathroom?"

She haughtily turned her nose up at the question. Her eyes stayed fixed on his hard-on. "What were you thinking about, Mr. Kord?"

Under other circumstances, she'd probably say that honesty was the best policy. "Batgirl. And Zatanna."

"Batgirl?" she cried, horror-struck. "You can't mean that creepy girl in all that black leather, with her mask all stitched up like some kind of scary movie! Oh, Mr. Kord!" She tilted her head to the side. "Ms. Zatanna is a looker, though. Freddy likes her too. I think she's a bit of a hussy, though. I bet she's gone all the way."

_Good to know. _"You think we could continue this conversation when I have pants?"

"You want me to leave?"

"_Yes."_

"Are you gonna keep—touching it!?"

His eyes narrowed. "What's it to you?"

"Well, gee, Mr. Kord." Locking her hands behind her back, she pivoted a little on her heels. The action thrust her breasts out, making juicy mounds to either side of her lightning bolt, then jiggled them right in front of him. "If you're gonna degrade yourself like that, wouldn't you rather look at me?"

Ted's eyes glazed over, suddenly paying attention to Mary's body. She may dress conservatively for a superhero, but it wasn't hard to notice her body underneath it all. She was well-developed, perfectly proportioned for her height, with enticingly perky breasts, a slim waist, flat stomach, and sleek legs with the same rich tan as the rest of her. But the most appealing part of her was her pretty oval face, with a pertly upturned nose, big bright eyes, and a small, beestung mouth. She was cute in a way that was achingly nonsexual, which somehow made it more sexual. Maybe Ted was just a pervert—but then, when any woman propositioned you, weren't you obliged to consider it regardless of looks? Even if they were jailbait? That was just being feminist, wasn't it?

His hand did a slow stroke on his cock. He wasn't entirely aware of it. "Luh-luh-look at you?"

"Why not? Ain't I pretty enough? I know you're usually a fine, upstanding gentleman who would never objectify a pretty young lady like me in such a manner—"

"Of course I wouldn't!" Ted piped up, suddenly looking around for hidden cameras. He didn't think Chris Hansen would pull a stunt like this, but you never knew what people would do for ratings. Hell, they'd put Kim Kardashian on the air, hadn't they?

"But—oooooh—what if I tried to help?" Mary turned around and lifted her white skirt, pulling it slowly up her coltish legs until it was over her wide hips. Her ass was gloved tightly by pink panties, a juicy, ripe little thing that Ted would've loved to grab hold of if his hands weren't full. "I know it's not as big—or as small—as some guys like, but—ooooh," she seemed frustrated, staring at him over her shoulder, "maybe you could try? Just try? Pretty please?"

Ted let his hand travel the length of his cock. "Well… if you were to insist…"

Mary bit her lip, thrilled with the scene—Ted under the pounding shower spray, surrounded by the steam of the hot water, playing with his prick! "Yes!" she whooped, her voice bursting out of her. "Do it! Jerk on your peter, Mr. Kord! That looks sooooo good!"

"Does it?" Ted asked, jerking faster.

"Yes! Very much so! Go faster!"

He jerked his hand in a flurry of strokes. "Like this?"

Mary's buttocks clenched inside her little pink panties. "Oh yes! Beat it, Mr. Kord! Beat your meat! I wanna see how much white stuff your penis shoots out for me!"

"I want that too!" Ted panted, bent over his cock, his hand a blur on his throbbing prick.

"Oh shit, that looks good!" Mary cooed before realizing she'd said a foul word. "Oh, I'm so sorry! You'll have to punish me for that!"

Ted fucked his hand furiously, groaning. Mary took it as a sign of dismay.

"Is this not enough?" she asked, bouncing her ass. "Should I… wiggle it? Jump around? Twerk?"

"No, that's—" Ted's teeth were gritted, "just fine!"

"I know! You're feeling awkward because I'm not joining in! Tawny always says friends do things _together_!"

"Tawny?" Ted asked.

Mary turned around, still holding her skirt up. Now he saw how snug her panties were. "My talking tiger, silly!"

"Uh-huh. Yeah. Talking tiger," Ted agreed.

"Would it be alright if I just—" She slid her hand down between her legs. "I know it's sorta gross." She began to rub her pussy. "I hope this isn't ruining it for you, it just feels really good!" She pinched her fingers in the thin nylon.

"Jesus Christ!"

"You shouldn't take the Lord's name in vain," Mary chided, before her voice dropped to a whisper. "But you like it, don't you?"

"I love it!"

"Me too—and I like you jacking off to me—you like jacking off to me too, don't you?" She grinned shyly. "Silly question…"

Her hand was lost in her panties, her knuckles stirring the crotch panel as she fingered herself. Ted could see she was into it. Her head drifted back so far that she stumbled, her weight off-center, and slipped a little on the slick tile before remembering she could fly. She hovered onto the toilet and sat there, skirt up, legs obscenely parted, hand jiggling and jerking in her pink panties. Ted's hand pumped as fast as he knew how.

"I'm gonna come!" he sobbed.

"Come—that's when the white stuff comes out, right?"

Ted nodded frantically.

"Freddy's does that too. And sometimes I do. It's not white, though, when I—" Ted was out of the shower suddenly, the spray thunderingly loud on the linoleum without him inside to catch it. He brought himself right up to her, stopping with his cock inches from her pretty young face.

"Oh, wow!" Mary cried. "It's really big! Freddy's isn't big!"

"Who's Freddy?" Ted asked automatically.

"He's kinda my boyfriend. But we're not really dating, because I saw him holding hands with Marsha Davis—_holding hands, _in public, like I'm chopped liver—but I still really like him and he's super-cute and I think he's really funny, but I'm not going to take some crap from a boy just because I like him, pardon my French—"

Ted pushed his cock into her face, slushing the tip nearly into her mouth, but mostly just slapping it around her pink lips.

"Hey, Mr. Kord, that's really dirty!"

"I'm a dirty guy," he choked out as he fucked his prick all over her fresh young face, leaving precum in her darling bangs, on her rosy cheeks, most of all on her shining lips.

Hesitantly, Mary licked a drop of his ejaculate from the corner of her mouth. "Golly! That's so naughty! _You're _so naughty, you jerk, you dirty guy—jerk your peter for me, you dirty guy!"

Ted's mouth fell open, his guts twisting like he'd taken a sucker punch. "Uh, UH, AHH!" His cock gushed a line of cum from Mary's ear to the apple of her cheek.

"Willikers!" Mary moaned unsteadily.

Another big splash of cum spewed from his cock, shooting high into the air before coming down in a raining splat on his mat. Mary was quick to throw herself in front of his cock after that.

"You're doing it! You're shooting off, Mr. Kord! You're shooting everywhere!"

Ted nodded as his cum splashed across Mary's face, hot globs of it slushing down her chin and cheeks, matting her bangs to her forehead. Her eyes were wide and radiant as she took in his cock, pulsing and throbbing out emissions right in front of her.

"Keep frigging jerking off, you son of a so-and-so, keep jerking your gosh-darn prick, I wanna see you good-golly drown me! Dagnabbit, keep masturbating, keep shooting that stuff at me, you… you… RABBIT!"

All this time, Mary had continued diddling herself, though she'd been so eager to please Ted that she hadn't noticed her own rising pleasure. Not until it was too late. Like she'd just said 'Shazam!', Mary felt her orgasm hit her. She twisted atop the toilet seat, humping her hips against her hand, digging her fingers to that spot inside her that always felt so good to the touch. Then the powerful ripple of her orgasm took over. Her eyes rolled back in her head. A strangled gasp animated her throat. Her lips fell open. And she winced as a bolt of cum landed in her open mouth.

Then Mary opened her mouth wider.

"I love it! I love it!" she yelped as Ted rained his load all over her face, until it looked more like she'd had a real facial than a porn facial. "Wheeeeeee!"

Finally, Ted had nothing more to give. He stumbled back into the shower, the hot water acting as an excellent curative for the swell of gritty sweat he felt all over his body. Mary got up off the toilet, tittering like a schoolgirl who'd gotten away with something. She ran a finger over her face and licked it clean, then (holding her hair) she ducked her head under the shower stream, washing her face clean. Once she was done, she kissed Ted on the cheek.

"Thanks for showing me that. I've never done that before! And thanks for all the white stuff."

"Cum," he said. "It's cum."

"Who's coming?"

"I did. Just now. On your face."

"With your penis?"

"Yes, with my—yes."

Mary Marvel nodded sagely. "I like a snack after this sort of thing. You have any cereal? I could go for some Crocky's."

"You mean like in those ads with the annoying cartoon dinosaur?"

"He is _not _annoying! He's cute."

"Cute? That Jar-Jar Binks wannabe? What are you, twelve?"

"No, I'm sixteen. Going on seventeen."

"That's… generally how it goes."

Mary turned on her heel. "I think I'll just have a bagel. Don't spend too long in the shower—" She looked over her shoulder at him as she opened the door. "I might wanna get you dirty again."

Ted watched her skirt sway as she closed the door behind her. Then he turned the dial to the coldest setting it had.

* * *

><p>Mary left—without getting dirty again—after her bagel. There was nothing else for it. Ted had to call Booster. He dialed as he went to his fridge, grabbed a beer, and wrestled with the cap. Damn beer bottle caps. Why couldn't they just twist off like bottles of Sprite? Why'd you have to get a <em>special opening mechanism <em>when there were a billion better options? It wasn't even classy, like champagne corks…

"Hey, you've reached Booster Gold…'s answering machine. I'm gone, but I'm not time traveling right now. Honest. If I were time traveling, wouldn't I go back in time to pick up the call I missed? See? Logic!"

Ted growled before the beep cut him off. "Booster! Pick up! I've just gotten more action in the past twenty-four hours than I did in four years of high school and I think I may have committed a sex crime. Call me back!"

Phone in hand, Ted looked at his contact list. Who would understand, who could help him out? He'd just done perhaps the most indecent, scuzzy, schmucky, scummy thing of his entire life. He wasn't an antihero! Maybe in Gotham, they knew how to bounce back from underage sex scandals in-between almost killing the Joker and bondage sex with Catwoman, but this was—wait.

Sleazy. Scuzzy. Slimy. Crooked. Dishonest. Shady. Untrustworthy. Max Lord!


	6. Chapter 6

Max opened up the bottle, let it breathe for a moment, tracing his nostrils delicately over the rim, then tipped it with languid carefulness into the glass. He did the same for Ted's cup, then brought the two glasses to Ted, who thought he was being a bit ostentatious for serving Smirnoff Ice in Maroney's Bar & Grill.

"First off, don't worry about the chick. We're in Connecticut, the age of consent is sixteen, plus, if all you did is masturbate, that's just indecent exposure. They barely make you register for that. It's like 'oh, yeah, whatever, he's a sex offender.'" Max made a jerk-off gesture.

"Stop that."

Max realized the double meaning. "Sorry."

"And 'first off,'" Ted griped, "that's a horrible way to begin a conversation on statutory rape. Second, I don't want to know how you know this."

"Well, you know, clones, they're technically less than a year old, but when you're artificially aged…"

"I said I don't want to know! And hey, Will Rogers, I'm not worried about going to jail."

"You should be, they hate child molesters in there."

"Shh!" Ted looked around to see if anyone had heard. Thankfully, they'd gotten a booth. "I'm worried about being the kind of creepy pervert _who would need to know his state's age of consent._ Wait, wait—she's sixteen—it's your age, divided by two, plus eleven, so I was born in—crap, I'm old. I'm a dirty old man. I'm gonna have to start listening to Katy Perry music."

"It's plus seven, so—"

"I'm a dirty old man and I missed out on Britney being hot!" Ted thudded his head into the counter.

"I don't suppose you'd tell me how it is you're having sex with multiple beautiful women? And little girls?"

"If I knew, I would—well, I wouldn't tell you! But I don't know!"

"Hmm… did you sell your soul to Neron?"

"No."

"Were you recently hit by a Genesis Wave?"

"_No."_

"Have you merged with any counterpart with a parallel dimension; maybe someone over there has game."

"No!"

"Bitten by alien parasites Angon, Gemir, Glonth, Lissik, Pritor, Venev, _or_ Slodd?"

"No!"

"Are you secretly a Manhunter?"

"No!"

"Okay then, I got nothing."

* * *

><p>Ted left the bar a few beers later. Max had been spectacularly unhelpful, but it was only fair—Ted had been spectacularly unhelpful to him numerous times. He was buzzed, but still smart enough to know better than to drive. Of course he was smart—he was a genius playboy inventor philanthropist… how did that go? The good thing about living in a gentrified neighborhood was that he could just walk back to his apartment, and so he did, stolidly placing one foot in front of the other and only running into a lamppost once. Twice. Okay, three times, but he absolutely was not going to walk into any more lampposts, swear to Christ…<p>

"Ted? Did you just run into a lamppost?" a woman's voice asked.

Ted growled. "Why are there so many lampposts anyway?"

"They… provide light and need to be at regular intervals?"

"Why can't there just be one big lamppost?" Ted insisted, cradling the lamppost now, possibly strangling it for the violence it had done to his forehead. "We can turn it on during the day, when people need the light, then in the evening, we lower it, and when people should be in bed, we turn it the hell off."

"That's the sun, Ted. You're talking about the sun."

It was Tora Ola… Ted wasn't even going to try to recall her last name. Tora Ice. She was a dainty platinum blonde with fine, soft Nordic features, sparkling blue eyes set in an oval face under a mop of bobbed hair. An oversized sweater and a knee-length skirt, both in maroon and green, made her look like the heroine of a young adult novel. Cute as a button. Not at all like that Elsa queen from the movie. _She _was a bitch.

"Tora!" he cried in final recognition, throwing his arms around her in a hug. "How the hell are you? What's new? Did you ever make it back onto the Justice League? I heard they let Congorilla onboard. What are they trying to do, hit a quota? Don't get me wrong, some of my best friends are gorillas…"

"Ted, you're hugging a lamppost."

Ted shoved it away. "Screw you, buddy," he told it. "We're not friends."

Tora took his arm in her delicate hands. "Come on, Ted. Let's get you home. It's only a few blocks away."

Her hands were chilly, of course, but in a bracing way. He found himself sobering as they crossed Fisher Street to Ted Mark Drive to Williams Boulevard. On his block, he felt his mind was unclouded enough to attempt conversation again.

"You know, I must be really drunk. I thought maybe you were here to have sex with me."

Tora blushed. "Oh no, no, I was just going for a walk when I was lucky enough to come across an old friend. But I wouldn't say no to a drink."

"Heh! Travel back in time thirty minutes—I'll have more than enough!"

Tora patted him on his arm as she led him into the lobby. From there, Ted was able to navigate the elevator and apartment key by himself. "Good thing you came along when you did. I've got to tinkle like a racehorse. If you hadn't shown up, I probably would've ended up whizzing in an alleyway." The key proved more problematic than he had anticipated. He concentrated on aligning it with the lock.

"That's not so bad," Tora pished. "Guy does it all the time."

"Yeah, but say a cop sees me. He writes me a ticket. I forget to pay it. I get hauled into court. On the same day, a felon busts loose. They think I'm in on it. Before you know it, I'm in the clink, up the river, locked up—" Ted got the key inside and turned it so hard it nearly broke. "I've seen it happen a million times. Wait right there, I have to write my name on the porcelain…"

"Hey doc," Beatriz da Costa, the superheroine known as Fire, said in a sultry voice, laying across the mouth of his entry hallway. "Need my fire lit. Mind lending a hand?" Suddenly, she noticed the third that made their company a crowd. Her eyes narrowed. Then her eyes widened in recognition, seeing it was Ice. "_Tora? What are you doing here?"_

"I could ask you the same question!" Tora replied at the same high pitch. "Though I would ask what are you doing in those clothes!"

Bea's bronzed body was obscured more than concealed by a shiny slip of black satin which ran taut over her full thighs, flat belly—drew equally tight where it was stretched from the nipple of one firm, rounded breasts to the other. Her face was a cosmetic work of air—eyeliner like an Egyptian queen, green lipstick echoing the green-hot flame of her hair. Her slip was translucent enough to show that there was no such echo between her legs.

Ted, though, had no time to appreciate the fine caramel spread of Bea's flesh. He was urgently headed for the bathroom, ready to step over Bea to get to it when she sat up in a huff. "Listen, Tora, I love you, but you really have to get out of here. Ted and I have some urgent, pressing business to discuss—"

"Dressed like that? I'm sure!" Tora was working herself into a state. "Why are you always doing this to me? Every time I like a guy, you have to make a play for him."

"Are you calling me some kind of slut!?" Bea roared. "You just have shitty taste on men, because they always hit on _me. _Not that I'd blame them…"

"So now you're prettier than me—"

"I didn't say that!"

"You implied—"

"_Oh, _now I implied…"

"You did!"

"Excuse me, please," Ted said, trying to edge down the wall to get past Bea.

Her hand lanced out, pressing to the wall and blocking the way. "Hold up, Ted. Would you, an impartial observer, mind telling Tora that she—is being—_ridiculous!"_

"You're being ridiculous," Ted parroted, trying to step over Bea's hand.

"Don't just say it!" they both shrieked at once.

"She shows up in an outfit even Starfire wouldn't wear—" Tora began, as Bea spouted "As if you weren't doing the exact same thing!"

"Not dressed like that!" Tora insisted.

"So I'm honest about what I want. I don't play hard to get; guys appreciate that."

"I bet they do!"

Bea was confused now "That's what I said?"

"That is what you said!"

Bea put her hands on her heart, not noticing now that Ted was free to rush by her. "What's the big damn difference between dressing up in some cute outfit and acting like Natalie Portman for forty-five minutes while you nerds talk about Doctor Who when all you really want to do is bone, _so you bone? _I'm direct about it! That's my thing! That's what works for me!"

"Who said I wanted to bone Ted!?"

"You don't?"

"I didn't say that!"

"What did you say?"

"Nothing about boning!"

"Well you should've! That's my whole point!"

Not that Ted was hearing any of this. The Niagara Falls of his urination, and his own relieved groan, was far too loud for him to hear Bea and Tora rehashing an old argument as only old friends could do. By the time he'd washed his hands and splashed some cold water in his face, he'd nearly forgotten they were in his apartment, much less arguing over sleeping with him. So it was doubly a shock when he stepped out of the bathroom and found the two women hugging, Tora sniffling a little.

"I'm a bitch," Bea apologized. "I can be such a bitch, I'm so sorry—"

"No, it's my fault, I can be so judgmental sometimes. That's not me talking, that's my mother talking… not that I don't love my momma."

"I love your momma!" Bea insisted. "She's a great gal. Very understanding! She's just, you know…"

"I know," Tora said in a confiding tone. She nodded. "I totally know."

"You wanna fuck this guy? Together?" Bea asked warmly.

Tora hugged her tighter. "You're my best friend."

"You're _my _best friend."

"We should get matching tattoos," Bea suggested before turning to Ted. "Strip." Then back to Tora. "What about I get something like a snowflake and then you get a little green flame?"

"That'd be perfect!" Tora enthused. "He's not stripping, though."

"He's not?" Bea looked at Ted again. "Ted, c'mon. You're killing me here. We have this great moment of sisterly bonding, we agree to share you instead of fighting over you like a pair of bimbos, and what are you doing? _Wearing clothes!"_

"I, uh—" Ted was somewhat confused as to how he'd managed to seduce two women at once. Had he blacked out? He didn't think he was black-out drunk—nor likely to be that seductive while he was drunk, unless women as a gender had a newfound appreciation for the Funky Chicken. "Have we _all _been drinking?"

"Honestly!" Tora cried, exasperated. Together with Bea, she frog-matched Ted to the bedroom, where they threw him down on his back atop the bed. "We are two powerful, sexual, self-actualized, empowered, and independent women who just want a hot cock stuffed in our greedy cunts, and _you _are being impossible! Not very feminist, is it Ted?"

"No," Ted said distantly. "I suppose… not… are you doing something with my belt?"

Bea whipped it out of his pants. "What makes you ask?"

"Because I think…" Tora undid the button at his fly. "Maybe you…" Bea pulled down his zipper. "Could be…" Tora spread open his boxers. After a look to Bea, the green-haired Brazilian took his cock out. "I'll shut up."

"Wow. Never actually touched a soft one before," Bea noted. "Feels weird."

"Ted, you'd better get hard," Tora suggested helpfully.

"I had a lot to drink…" Ted said defensively.

"Seriously, your dick is creeping me out. It's like a dead elephant's trunk."

"Yeah, that's gonna help me get an erection. That analogy right there."

"Maybe you could take your clothes off?" Bea asked Tora.

"What? Oh, I couldn't possibly…" Tora peeled her sweater off. "I mean, if you insist…" She unzipped her skirt, revealing a crisp pair of white panties to go with her thin white cotton tee. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah," Ted said. "More than okay…"

"And maybe…" Bea drew close to Tora, "if we…"

"Yes?" Tora replied, pursing her lips already.

That helped. It helped a lot.

"I love when you suck on my tongue," Bea moaned, grabbing two handfuls of Tora's petite ass. The little blonde blushed at the compliment. "Why don't you try that on Ted's cock?"

Tora was unsure, but a quick slap on the ass from Bea was dare enough to convince her to try it. She slid between Ted's open legs and found his stirring cock with her hand—tried licking gently at the head, like she was afraid of it. Bea knelt down beside her to watch, proudly, as Tora wrapped her lips around the cockhead and sucked softly, sweetly, like she was enjoying a lollipop. Ted groaned, his cock stiffening and growing longer, much to Tora's amazement.

"This is so neat!" she said while her mouth was briefly free, then actually put it inside her mouth, feeling his shaft fill with pounding blood right between her cheeks. He grew and grew until it seemed her mouth would be stuffed full. She slipped loose of him before she gagged. "Wow! He's really hard, and I barely did anything! You want to try, Bea? I think he has enough for both of us!"

"Don't mind if I do," Bea answered, her eyes slits of lust. She descended on Ted like a well-paid whore, none of Tora's prim and proper lovemaking whatsoever. She messily took Ted to her throat, slobbering all over his rod as she gagged herself, popping wetly off his cockhead as she vibrantly pumped up and down with her burning-hot mouth.

"Oh wow…" Tora said again. She felt warm. Very warm. She wondered if something was wrong with her panties. She felt like they were burning her crotch. "Ted, would it be okay if I…" She crawled onto the bed. "That is, if you don't mind, could I…" She rolled one leg over his face, now kneeling over his head. "That is, if it's alright with you?"

Bea reached up and pulled Tora's panties down. The request was infinitely clear.

Ted put his hands on her waist, nearly circling her trim abdomen, and urged her down until her white pubic hair was being lowered to his mouth. She creamed helplessly at the first touch of his tongue to her clit. If there was one thing the past few days had done, it was to teach Ted _exactly _where that was.

"You guys! You guys!" Tora looked from Bea to Ted like she was following a tennis match between them. "Oh geez! Oh gosh! Something's _happening…!"_

She squirted. She squirted a lot. In fact, Ted thought he knew some fire hoses that could stand to learn a thing or two from her.

"Not frigid at all, is she?" Bea joked before slipping her moist lips back over Ted's cockhead. She teased her tongue over his glans before she _really _got going, sucking up and down over his stiffness, slurping it without any concern for dignity. Tora's excitement was getting to her.

Hands feeling her own body warm from groin to cleavage, Tora arched her back, sliding her juicy sex across Ted's ecstatic tongue. It felt wonderful, but what was even better was when he exerted his strength, holding her still to circle her swollen clit with the very tip of his tongue.

"Wait a minute, I need a minute, I need-!" Tora came again, not half a minute after her last time, and squirting just as much.

Purring, Bea slid her lips down Ted's beautifully hard member, looking up just in time to see the huge jet that spewed from Tora's labia. Her sultry eyes flew open. She wasn't sure if she was impressed, confused, or just jealous.

Sure, she'd seen porn movies where that happened—only because they were pornos about League members, and she enjoyed watching those ironically and to see if the guy who played Booster Gold was any good. But whenever she'd seen _that _happen, she'd assumed it was fake. Smoke and mirrors, camera tricks—water-guns. But hell, she'd traveled through time, met angels, and known one too many aliens for her tastes. What was female ejaculation compared to that?

Then she saw Tora pinching her nipples, squealing as Ted's tongue fucked away inside her, and Ice came again. Just as hard, just as _much. _Bea had to wonder where it was all coming from. Was Tora part-camel?

Bea had to keep up. She went down on Ted and didn't stop this time, just went lower and lower on his cock until her throat was a hot tunnel lying before his shaft, her mouth down around his balls.

Ted almost didn't notice being deep-throated. His eyes were fixed on the Nordic girl gyrating atop his face. Tora was grinding her pussy down on his face, dancing for every upward sweep of his tongue, loving every movement of his tongue inside her despite her panicky words. "Ted—Ted, you're gonna kill me! Gimme a minute, just—"

Eyebrow raised impishly, Bea put her hand on Ted's sack and squeezed tightly. That did it. He started fucking her mouth, Bea's green-wreathed head bobbing up and down just as furiously as Ted fucked his way into her throat. Tora's pleas for mercy went joyously unanswered.

"Oh, fuck you guys! You fucking pricks! You dirty fuckers! I hope you—you-!" With a shrill squeak, Tora came. She sprayed all over Ted's face, the pillow under his head soaked by now, and further smeared his mouth with her convulsing sex.

Bea loved her body as much as you'd expect, seeing her body, but at the moment, she'd be happy to take Tora's for a joy ride, just to know what that felt like. Was it uncomfortable? Did it hurt? Did it hurt _nice? _Maybe she should try Amazon. There had to be a book on it. Hell, maybe she should ask Starfire. If the rumors were true, Troia and her had done that a lot. And Dick. And Roy. Maybe even Deathstroke…

"Nice," Tora breathed as her feelings subsided to a level that she could think through. She climbed off Ted's inundated face. "Very nice."

"Sorry, did you say something earlier?" Ted asked. It'd been hard to hear with her thighs wrapped around his ears.

"Not a thing." Tora exhaled happily, and twisted off of him to crawl down to Bea, dragging her small breasts over his body until she was at his stiff prick. She smiled as Bea lifted herself off Ted's spit-shined hard-on. "My turn?" she asked hopefully.

Bea kissed her quickly. "Our turn," Bea replied. And they both opened their mouths to devour the fat erection between them.

Ted was staring at Tora's dripping cunt, wondering if he should dare to provoke it any further, when he felt a new sensation wash over his stalk. They were so different that he could easily tell it was Bea sucking violently at his cockhead, while Tora's soft tongue bathed his blue-veined prick like a gentle snowfall, sweet and cool. As Bea went deeper, opening her throat up to him again, Tora sucked one of his balls into her snowbank mouth.

Cool air seemed to spread through his throbbing erection before it was replaced by the fiery warmth of Bea's mouth swooping over his entire length. He cried out, tortured and relieved all at once.

"I have no idea how you do that," Tora admitted, shaking her head gently. "But it looks like a lot of fun! Is it a lot of fun, Ted?"

"Yes!" Ted hissed, quickly kissing Tora's ankle by his head, wanting to do something to return the pleasure they were giving him. "God, yes!"

"Ted thinks it's a lot of fun," Tora reported.

Bea slurped her way clear of him. "I think so too. Why don't you try, Tora?"

"I don't know if that's such a good idea…" Tora mused as she lowered her mouth to Ted's straining hardness.

They soon had a system in place. Bea would go down on him, getting and keeping Ted nice and hard, then Tora would try to take his impressive length in her mouth. She gagged on it quite a few times, but Ted's erection never waned with Bea watching it.

In short order Tora was able to get half of him in her mouth. Then she had his cockhead comfortably nestled at the back of her throat. Soon, they were changing every few seconds, the cock getting bigger and harder every time they switched—closer and closer to shooting off. But each time, the switch denied him before a new mouth brought him right back to the cusp. It was torture. Ted never wanted it to end.

"Do you swallow?" Tora asked in a whisper as she held the cock in place for Bea to swallow. She didn't want Ted to hear them discuss such an uncouth subject.

Bea nodded as best she could with a cock down her throat.

"I don't," Tora confessed. "It just seems degrading. Maybe you could do it? If you don't mind being degraded?"

Bea popped off Ted's dick and shoved it at Tora. "When have I ever? Last call, chica."

Tora gratefully took his prick in her mouth. This time she didn't relinquish it so easily. She sucked long and hard, until she felt it tighten in her mouth, his balls drawing tight inside his hairy scrotum, a gulp of precum swirling onto her tongue. Only then did she slide away and offer his purple-headed cock up to Bea.

"Take his cum," she cooed, as Bea went down on Ted intending just that, her eyes locked with Tora's all the way. "And take him down your throat again. I wanna see him come right in your fucking stomach."

Bea winked at Tora. She loved when her girl talked dirty. It only happened on leap years, oddly enough.

"Here it comes!" Ted cried with a wild grunt, arching his back into feelings that were just too much for him. A satisfied explosion and his balls emptied in a rush of pleasure.

Bea moaned as she took his hot cum at the back of her throat. She sucked as hard as she could, wanting a big load to display to Tora. A snowball for Ice, she though wickedly. Ted's hips rolled as he spiked his way into Bea's white throat, drawing out every last drop from his balls. When she finally released his cock, she had enough cum in her to fill a whisky tumbler. She displayed it to Tora, tongue lolling out happily, and was further delighted when Tora licked _her _tongue from Bea's tip to the roof of her mouth.

"That's not so disgusting," Tora said with a gulp.

"Not at all," Bea agreed. "But I think the store is closed for the night."

Tora looked over at Ted. His cock had fallen against his thigh and his head had fallen against the pillow. His snoring was gentle and surprisingly delicate.

"Shame," Bea said. "I came here for a nice hard cock, and I blew it."

"Maybe I could help," Tora said, bouncing up.

Bea eyed her crotch uncertainly. "You could?"

"Sure!" Ice formed in Tora's hands, as it had a million times before. This, however, was the first time it assumed the long, cylindrical form this one did. "After all, what are friends for?"

* * *

><p>"Oh Tora, TORA! Ice me, baby! Ice me!"<p>

Ted turned over in his sleep, trying to shut out the noise with his pillow. In the morning, he'd remember having the weirdest dream about Vanilla Ice.

He'd also be very confused by all the steam hanging around his apartment.


	7. Chapter 7

A shower, a shave, and a K.O.R.D. Industries patent hangover cure that actually worked. Then Ted was headed back to the bar to get his car back. He was feeling a little weak after the double blowjob, so Ted decided to hail a cab. It wasn't like he couldn't afford it. He went to the curb and raised his hand, only for a limo to glide to stop before him.

The door opened up and he saw a woman he would almost call thick-set, if her thickness weren't so well-proportioned to her great height and huge muscles. She was dressed in a smart business suit, accessorized by a set of black-rimmed glasses on a youthful face, round-cheeked and square-jawed. Blonde pixie haircut. She looked familiar somehow.

"Ted," she nodded. "Get in."

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

"Ted, it's me."

He stared at her blankly.

"Come on, my disguise is _not _that good." With a sigh, she undid a button on her blouse, the one over her breasts, and pulled it open to reveal a bit of her cleavage, which she had _quite _a bit of—quite a quite a bit…

"Power Girl?"

She rolled her eyes. "Get in, loser, I've already made the reservations."

"Reservations?" Ted asked, though he was already getting into the car. Now that he knew it was Power Girl—Karen—he knew it was best to do what she said.

Karen sat across from him in the spacious interior. It was one of those limousines that was like a penthouse on wheels. "Hotel Lexor. Yeah, it's Lexcorp, but evil is stylish. I've booked us the Kennedy Suite for the weekend."

"For… a slumber party?"

She smiled. "Yeah. A clothing-optional slumber party." He didn't respond except for a blank stare. "Clothing _very _optional." Blank stare. "Emphasis on the option being 'not'."

"I'm sorry, you want to have sex with me?"

Karen took her glasses off, tucking them into a chest pocket on her shirt. Her shirt being what it was, she probably had room for five or six pockets there. "I know. I find it hard to believe too."

"_Why?"_

She shrugged. There was an ice bucket and opened bottle of champagne seated on the floor. She gathered it up along with two flutes, offered them to him—he demurred—and she drank from the longneck direct. "What can I say? I woke up this morning and you were on my mind. You're actually kinda cute—funny—"

"Intentionally too, sometimes."

"Don't riff me while I'm coming onto you," she said warningly.

"Sorry, sorry."

"And smart, too, occasionally. Like now, for instance. There are a lot of brooding jackasses in our line of work, and you've always been nice to me. Always tried to put a smile on my face, even when you were trying to get into my pants. Usually _because _you were trying to get into my pants."

"Does your costume technically have pants?"

She gave him that look which was one second away from being heatvision, but was also a bit fond. "See? I hate that I'm amused by that. But I am. And, Rao, it's a crazy world. People always dying and coming back to life and time getting rewritten. I don't want to leave things left unsaid. I want you to know how much I like you."

"By having sex with me? For a weekend?"

"You'd prefer a gift card to the Olive Garden?"

"No, that's not even real Italian cooking."

"Good. Now fuck my tits."

"Excuse pardon?" Ted asked.

Karen knelt down on the floor between them, slipping off her jacket and beginning to unbutton her blouse. She wasn't wearing a bra. How the hell wasn't she wearing a bra? "You know my huge fucking tits that everyone stares at it and wishes they could touch? I want you to put your cock in between them and rub it around."

Ted nodded along as if he were listening to her explain the meaning of a memoir in book club. His eyes were glazed over, constantly darting to her breasts and then leaping away, like he was taking a bite of hot pizza, burning his mouth, then taking another bite. With a somewhat—_somewhat_—affectionate sigh, Karen reached over, grabbed his fly, and tugged the zipper down. His cock sprang out with all the eagerness that the man was too stunned to display.

Then Karen shrugged off her blouse. She had the biggest breasts Ted had ever seen on a woman, the pair thrusting out from her chest like a set of twin pillows on the most comfortable bed Ted could ever imagine lying on—he got up in a state not unlike a zombie, perhaps even a zombie that'd been shot in the head. Standing tall, he presented his glistening cock to her, though he did bump his head on the roof.

Karen reached over and pushed a button on the console. The sunroof rolled down and Ted was able to stand up. They were driving along an overpass, the road almost deserted at this time of night, and Ted could barely reconcile the sight of an ordinary metropolitan road with Power Girl taking his dick in her hand.

As his hair blew in the wind, she rubbed his cockhead over her breasts, leaving a wet trail of moisture from one to the other. She pressed her nipple—it felt painfully erect-against his glans and a little bulb of precum squirted out. Karen dropped her chin against her neck to watch it roll down her six-pack. Then she put his cock in the smooth valley between her breasts, took either of his hands, put them on her breasts—Ted nearly passed out—and pressed them all together in one amazing sandwich.

"Time to fuck Power Girl's tits, Teddy," she said smugly. "Come on now. Your cock feels all hot and wet between my tits, so fuck 'em. Fuck Power Girl's tits!"

Ted leaned over Karen's boyish haircut, staring downward as his hips danced as if to an infectious rhythm, fucking his cock in and out of her cleavage. Karen craned her neck, trying to lick at his cockhead, but her breasts were too large. His tool was completely lost in them. As hard as Ted rocked his hips, the only sign his cock was there were the ripples that went through Karen's cleavage. Ted laughed triumphantly, head back like he was baying at the moon, sweetly chilly night air pouring into his open mouth.

"I'm getting titfucked by Power Girl! Titfucking Power Girl?" He looked down at her. She shook her head. "Getting titfucked!"

With a shake of her head, Karen cupped his asscheeks and dug her fingers in, urging him to move faster. He did, pumping back and forth into the tits he held tightly around his cock. He went so fast, his balls slapped against the undersides of her breasts. Karen raised an eyebrow, reaching around one leg and grasping them from behind. Ted howled as she squeezed them lightly, rolling them in her palm like a pair of walnuts.

"I'm gonna come," Ted panted breathlessly. "Gonna come in your tits—Power Girl's tits—"

"That's my thing," she told him testily. "And don't come on my tits, come in my face."

"Wha?"

Karen let go of his ass with a parting slap. She brushed his hands off her breasts and crushed them together herself. Ted groaned; the pressure was suddenly overwhelming, and yet still not enough.

"Come on Power Girl's face," she ordered.

Somehow, Ted managed to pry his hands out of the fists they formed. He grabbed hold of Karen's head, bracing himself, and pumped her tits as hard as he could. His balls pulled tight, swelling with all the cum they could muster, and at the last possible second, he plunged his cock up so high into her cleavage that its head emerged in between her two mountainous pillows. Then he came.

His creamy juice shot out rapidly, splashing onto Karen's stoic face. She half-grinned as he smeared her cheeks and nose, trickled down onto her neck. Her powerful thighs opened and closed, putting pressure on her engorged clit as she watched Ted's cock jerk up and down with its boiling ejaculation. It excited her so much that she gurgled heatedly with the pit of her throat.

When Ted was finished, Karen's face was covered even more thoroughly than Mary's had been. He leaned back so far he almost slipped out of the sunroof, breathing hard but with relief, his cock deflating until its dripping tip rested on Karen's left breast.

Suddenly, he blinked bashfully. "Uhh… I really hope you said 'Come on Power Girl's face,' because that's what I heard…"

"Don't worry, Ted. You got it right for once." She slid her hands up his thighs to goose him, sending him shooting forward until his cock and balls dangled over her face. "But now it's my turn."

"Your turn?"

"Oh Rao yes." She unzipped her skirt with a cum-drenched smile. "Power Girl says time to eat pussy."


	8. Chapter 8

Somehow, they made it to the hotel alive, and with an only mildly traumatized chauffeur. Karen didn't even bother trying to make them look presentable. She scooped up Ted and super-sped him to their room. After that, the weekend went by in a blur. When they weren't making love, they were catching up on pay-per-view movies, ordering in, getting massages from the staff, or simply relaxing in the room's Jacuzzi. The room had a Jacuzzi.

After three days of this, Ted thought he'd lost a good ten pounds. This was either going to kill him or make him superhuman. But at dusk, Karen pried him off the carpet, carried him to bed, and drew the covers up to his chin before giving him one last kiss. "Gotta go. Justice Society attack on Zombie New Genesis. It's a whole dumb thing. Enjoy the room. Stay as long as you like, as long as you'd like to leave by eleven in the morning. Can't have you mooching off me too much, rentboy."

"I… friend you," he said in confusion. Love seemed too strong a word.

Karen got him. "I friend you too. Get some sleep. You're only human, after all."

She flew off, literally. Ted fumbled around for the phone on his nightstand, an impossible three inches out of his reach, but finally managed it. He was down to trying the one thing he'd sworn never to do: get a woman's perspective.

"Hey, Sue?" he asked when the line picked up.

"Yes, you've reached the Dibny's, for all your amateur sleuthing and 'getting things off tall shelves' needs. If this is Ted, press one."

Ted pressed one.

"I'm not a recording, Ted, that was a joke," Sue said.

Ted clenched his eyes. Every time… "Sue, I need to ask you something as a woman."

"Oh, that happened to Guy once. _He _managed to switch back before his period, because life's not fair."

"I'm being serious."

"That happens?"

"You and Ralph have had a lot of weird cases, right? The murderer in four of your mysteries were _apes._"

"Five. We just figured out who really killed JFK."

"So, in all your experience, in all the known universe, do you know of any way a bunch of incredibly beautiful women would suddenly want to have gratuitous, no-strings-attached sex with me?"

There was a brief pause. "No."

"Oh, okay—"

"I wasn't finished. Hell no. No way. No to the nth power…"

"I got it."

"No in Spanish, which is also 'no'…"

"That's fine, I'd given up on figuring it out anyway. See you in the funny pages."

"Ted, don't hang up. Would you want to film a sex tape with Ralph and me? You'd just be holding the camera, maybe applying a little lube. _Maybe._"

He hung up. Apparently his mojo worked over the phone as well. Good to know if he ever got Jennifer Lawrence's number.

Ted lost consciousness, curled up in a bed more expensive than his apartment. He slept like a baby, dreaming of Catwoman tying his hands to the headboard and riding him like a tired bronco. Or maybe it wasn't a dream. Or maybe all of last week was a dream and he was sleeping off an epic bender. If that were the case, he'd have to consider becoming an alcoholic.

Eventually strange noises pinged the surface of his subconscious mind, gradually lifting him up from the depths of sleep into a state of semi-wakefulness. The pillow and mattress were so comfortable that he lay against them for a moment with his eyes closed, simply savoring their softness and perfectly cool warmth, Then he heard a brief moan and his eyes opened. Lying right next to him was a woman's ass in star-spangled panties, the crotch of which was pulled aside by the pair of arms wrapped around that ass.

"Yes, okay, why not?" Ted said in mild confusion, hoisting himself up on an elbow for a better view.

Diana was wearing her usual homage to the American colors, with a golden bustier and blue bottom. Her red boots and tiara were gone, though, her hair falling disheveled about her face. Donna, on the other hand, wore nothing but a black bra and panties. She was almost identical to her 'big sister', her face so alike to Diana that Ted couldn't decide who was more beautiful. Diana's face was more sharply defined, aristocratic, while Donna's seemed more youthful, like she had a smidgen of baby fat that Diana had long since trained away. And Diana's breasts were a little bigger, while Donna's butt curved just a fraction more sensually. He couldn't judge either one of them for being wrapped in a sixty-nine with each other.

"Good morning," Ted said gently.

Diana looked up from Donna's cunt, halting her obviously pleasurable exploration. From the way she shuddered, Donna, at the foot of the bed, had kept going. "Hello, Ted. Nice to see you up."

Ted looked down at his crotch, but fortunately he was not yet hard enough for it to show through the bedsheet. As arousing as the wake-up call was, a three-day marathon sex session with Power Girl will take it out of a man. "Did you, ah, get the wrong room?" Despite the way his friendships with the fairer sex had been going, he couldn't quite believe that _Wonder Woman _would have anything to do with him.

"No," Diana said, casually rubbing her fingertip over Donna's labia. "We came in to see you. We realize you're a very busy, very important man, and now that Karen's had her fun, it's only a matter of time until someone else snatches you up."

"Oh really?" Ted hadn't thought about it that way, but it seemed to make sense.

With a kissing sound, Ted heard Donna detach from her tonguing. Her head was still muffled by Diana's thighs. "We just wanted to pay you a courtesy call, see how you were doing, let you know how much we appreciate all your hard work over the years and how much we love working with you…"

"Well said, Donna," Diana complimented glowingly.

"With sex?" Ted asked, half-expecting to receive a slap. Or at least a disapproving glance that would make him _wish _he'd gotten a slap.

"Sex is a natural, lovely part of life," Diana said in her Disney princess voice. "I find it a wonderful way to express how much I care for Donna here." She quaked; Donna had started again. "And likewise for Donna, I'm sure. Mmmm!" She broke off as Donna's arm began pumping, fingering her wet passage.

"But when we saw you asleep," Donna picked up, "you just looked so cute and so tuckered out that we couldn't bear to wake you. So we thought we'd start without you."

"You don't mind, do you Ted?" Diana asked, subtly flexing her buttocks as she brought her sex down, urging Donna to resume her work…

"No, not at all!" Ted said quickly. "I'm a big supporter of gay rights."

Donna's laugh chimed like a number of small bells. "We thought you might be. So don't get up—lie there and just watch."

"You can join in when you're ready," Diana assured him, her fingers tracing Donna's calf before she clasped it in her palm, rolling her hand up Donna's leg. "Once we're all… warmed up."

"You might learn a few things," Donna added.

Diana smirked at that, slipping either of her hands between Donna's ass and the satiny bedspread, giving her rump a meaty squeeze. Then she dove for Donna's box, her flattened tongue licking her from clit to nearly her asshole.

"Oh, sister!" Donna sighed as Diana nuzzled her sex with the relish of a true connoisseur. "You know just what I like!"

"It's what I like too," Diana reminded her gently. "And you know what you like just as well as I…" Then she was writhing atop the licks her sex was receiving now.

Ted's eyes narrowed with desire, his breathing coming heavier, a sexy itch rising in his body. Christ, it was like watching a porno, only without the ghastly fakeness. They were genuinely affectionate with each other, sincerely lovers, real and happening right in front of him, on the same bed he'd fucked Power Girl in (or she'd fucked him; technicalities…).

He sat up against the headboard, the sheet falling nearly to his burgeoning erection. With his head craned, he could see Donna roll her tongue all the way into Diana's sex. It must've felt amazing, because Diana broke away from her tonguing of Diana and gave an undignified yelp of delight. Ted caught her eye and she winked at him, not embarrassed at all by the display. She savored another lap inside her, then kissed Donna's thigh graciously. "Thank you, sister…"

Donna clapped her hand on Diana's luscious ass in acknowledgment, as if to say deeds would be more appreciated than actions. Diana rushed to oblige, sweeping Donna's clit with broad strokes until it was nearly numb to that particular stimuli, then sucking it into her mouth all at once. Donna conceded Diana's mastery of her body with a squealing, whimpering orgasm.

Ted's eyes were glued on the two girls. He found himself reaching down for his manhood unconsciously, before realizing his mistakes. One, that a single squeeze would put him out of commission for the morning. Two, that there was no need to touch himself when the two most beautiful women he had ever seen were volunteering to be touched.

He crawled across the bed, almost shaking with nervousness at approaching a pair of women that were literally goddesses. Somehow, he got close enough that Diana noticed him, giving him a friendly, approachable look that had no right sitting on a face that beautiful. He moved in, cajoled by the approval that beamed from her, and found himself kissing Diana Prince.

It was indescribable. Perfection. Soft and gentle, yet a little aggressive, reassuring and demanding all at once. He could've spent hours in that kiss. But Diana took his hand, curling all but two of his thick, clumsy fingers into a fist, then brought them to Donna. Their lips continued to brush together as Diana stroked Donna's labia, bringing Donna to a cooing vibration, then pressed Ted's fingers inside her.

Donna moaned and arched her back. Ted would've pulled his hand away, but Diana had her fingers around his wrist. She held him still as Donna gyrated her hips with groans and sighs, stimulating herself with his touch. Then Diana began to pump Ted's arm for him, showing him the rhythm to use, the depth to hit, until he could look down Diana's body and see Donna with her eyes closed and a smile on her face.

His cock felt superhuman, surging with power, throbbing with radioactive blood, molten cum gathering in his balls. The urge to pump it with his free hand was almost overwhelming. Only the thought that Diana wouldn't want that spared him.

Donna was amazingly positioned, her back lifted high in the air, Wonder Woman on top of her but held up by her strength as Donna fucked herself on Ted's deep-set fingers. Until Diana put her hands under each of Donna's ass cheeks and held her in place for a firm kiss on her cunt, signaling Ted to pull his fingers out with a look. Donna squealed with the tongue exploring inside her, and Ted could tell she had nearly come.

Donna now almost doing a handstand with Diana kneeling astride her, holding her up, the older woman took Ted's wet fingers and brought them to Donna's ass. Ted felt it loose and slick; already a conquest of Diana's appetites. He prodded his fingers in as Diana kissed him again—barely felt Donna tighten on his stiff fingers. The air was thick with pleasure, loud with panting and moaning. Diana broke the kiss with her teeth in Ted's lower lip. With her eyes directly before his, heady with lust, she tugged him kittenishly down to Donna's hot cunt, right between them.

They both supped on it, Ted fingering her ass, Diana holding up her thighs. The taste was divine. It actually reminded Ted of honey. And he was soon gifted with more, as Donna came, a scream of pleasure torn from her throat in fitting contrast to the gentleness her two lovers were kissing her womanhood with. Diana licked Donna's wetness from beginning to end, stopping with her tongue in Ted's open mouth, lifting him away from Donna and consuming his taste of her with her own heated lips.

When she drew away from him, soft and lovely minutes later, the rage in Ted's cock had diminished to an intense throb. He felt Diana stroke his cheek and it was almost enough to set him off. "My sister goes first," Diana said. "Putting others first is the Amazon way."

"Good policy," Ted agreed, nodding dumbly.

"But now it's my turn. And yours."

Taking her cue, Donna deftly turned herself so that she was atop Diana, with her 'big sister' lying underneath her on her back. Ted realized what was expected of him too. Numbly, he slid off the bed, walking on unsteady legs to its foot, where Donna was skillfully removing Diana's panties from the greater work of her armor. Ted now saw everything, including the finely-shaven W formed by Diana's dark pubic hair. His eyebrows shot up.

"I must be dreaming," he breathed.

Donna gave the W a worshipful kiss. "Then praise Morpheus for sending you such a vision." She grinned at him, wiggling her fingers in a little wave. "Hi, I'm Donna by the way. Thanks for eating me out."

"No problem," Ted said, before realizing a better (and more truthful) reply would be 'Anytime.'

"Now let's give this princess the royal treatment," Donna said and held Diana's labia open both for her stroking tongue, and for him. Ted couldn't believe he was actually doing this, but he ringed his swollen cock with his hand and aimed it for Diana's pink cunt, Donna's flashing tongue. And somehow—some way—he actually penetrated Wonder Woman, felt her perfect tightness as well as Donna's wicked little tongue petting his length as he entered her sister. Until he was all the way in Diana, Donna hugging him around his waist to pull the three together, her face upturned, her eyes shining for his.

"I think she likes it," Donna bubbled, and when Ted looked down, he could see Diana's mouth hard at work between Donna's thighs. Each of them making their own way to one single, glorious finish.

Donna kissed Ted's soft belly and that was all he could take. He pumped into Diana while he grabbed Donna by the hair and pulled her mouth to his. The kiss wasn't enough for him. He mouthed her neck, her shoulder, met her mouth again to force his tongue against hers. One hand reached down to claw into Diana's flank; the other groped Donna's and held her close. To the extent that he had any cares, he was almost worried he was being too rough, until Donna grabbed him even harder and jammed his mouth to her breasts.

"That's right you little fucker!" Donna cried. "Come! You hear me? Come in my sister! Move that ass! _Come inside her!"_

Ted almost couldn't believe such language was coming out of a kind, gentle Amazon, until he remembered she was best friends with that Starfire chick. That would explain it. He bit down on a hard bullet of a nipple, feeling his balls tighten, his cockhead tingling.

"I'll come!" Donna yelled hoarsely as she grinded down on Diana's face, body undulating. "I'll do it! You'll make me do it!"

Ted caught her other nipple in a hard kiss. "Come!" he bayed between her breasts. He felt the fluid stirring in his balls, its heat moving up his shaft. He pumped wildly into Diana before taking his own advice.

Diana had rubbed her clit to stony hardness. Ted had buried himself to the hilt in Diana's wet heat. Donna had taken Diana's tongue and fingers with such force, lunging back so hard, that she'd almost driven Diana's knuckles inside her. All three came at once with a unifying scream, lightning bolts of ecstasy seeming to lance from one body to the next, each release enhanced by being echoed in unison.

Diana had planned no less.

Ted had already laid back down; Donna had slumped off the bed entirely. Diana still had her strength, still had a desire, and would not be denied. She scooted to the edge of the bed, her body aching and throbbing, to reach down and gather up Donna. Her sister looked up at her in quiet, loving gratitude for her pleasure. Diana petted away her sweat and matted hair.

"Would you like his taste?" Diana asked, and Donna nodded agreeably. "As would I."

She put Donna's face down between her legs, letting the girl eat Ted's seed from her well-used cunt, as she leaned over to Ted. She would never think of denying her sister anything, but she desired the final culmination of this encounter as well, the lingering taste her people treasured since the days of legend, whether it be male or female. Grabbing hold of his defeated cock, she eyed the lashings of cum still remaining on his tip. And she looked at Ted with joy in her eyes.

"One for the road?" she asked.

Literally all Ted could do was nod. She set about cleaning him as thoroughly, and as intimately, as possible.

For the better part of an hour, Diana coaxed, cajoled, and kissed him back to rigidity, while Donna gave her the same loving attention. Finally, he coated her tongue once more and they really were done. Donna kissed him on one cheek, Diana on the other, and they held hands as they walked to the window. It still hadn't been closed since Power Girl left. Ted graciously passed out.


	9. Chapter 9

When he woke, it was late in the evening. He felt relaxed and well-rested, better than he had in years, except for a slight bit of heartburn. Funny; all he'd had to eat in the past twelve hours was Karen's edible panties. Getting up, he had a quick wash in the shower before draping himself in one of the hotel's robes. Then came a knock at the door.

Ted had a brief moment of panic. Karen had mentioned only booking the room for so long; had he overslept and drawn the hotel detective to kick him out? Or was it Supergirl come to ask him to take her virginity? Both seemed equally plausible, though he was hoping for the first. He didn't have a jackhammer on him, after all.

It turned out to be neither, proving his life was as implausible as ever. Booster Gold stood in the doorway. "Boost!" Ted cried, greeting him with a quick hug.

"Boost?"

"New nickname I'm trying out," Ted said. "You can call me Blue, Big Blue, the Blue Meany if I'm being snarky… come in, come in. I think I still have some room service left if you're hungry..."

"I'm not—any pizza?"

"Few slices. From Salomi's."

"Split 'em with you."

"You're feeling generous."

Seconds later, they were eating cold pizza in the kitchen. Thinning hair on Booster, soft belly on him, it was still like no time had passed at all. They were back in the days when the biggest thing there was to worry about was what shit was going to come out of Guy Gardner's mouth.

"You would not _believe _the week I've been having!"

Booster smiled, though it seemed a bit hard. Maybe his futureball injury was acting up again. "Try me."

"First, I catch Zatanna fighting some demon monk guy."

"Were you suited up?"

"No, I had on a Star Wars T-shirt."

"Awkward."

"Yeah, get this—she drags me into the nearest alley and rides bareback."

An eyebrow raised: "That so?"

"Yeah, I swear. I know it sounds crazy—"

"No, no, I believe you. Sounds like a crazy week."

"_That is not the half of it. _I get home, try to get some shuteye, guess what I wake up to?"

"Batgirl?"

Ted blinked warily. "Okay, there are about six Batgirls, so that's not a fair guess. But yes. And I won't lie—she was the guy in that meeting."

"Ouch."

"_But then _Mary Marvel showed up and she—gave me a care package."

"Oh?"

"Peanut brittle, some Nutella, it was very nice of her."

"I'll bet."

"Fast-forward to last Friday. I get a drink with Max Lord, so expecting the rest of my evening to be just your standard decontamination procedure. _Instead, _Power Girl pulls up in a limo—apparently she's a businesswoman in real life—and…" Ted didn't even know how to put it. "Power Girl fucked my tits. I mean, I fucked—it was her boobs, man."

"Yeah, gotcha, gotcha."

"No, seriously!"

"I believe you!"

"Well, you shouldn't! Because after I spend three days climbing the walls with her, I finally get some sleep and wake up to Wonder Woman _and _Wonder Girl in my bed."

"Wonder Girl? Isn't she in the TEEN Titans?"

"No, the other Wonder Girl. The old Wonder Girl."

"Troia?"

"Is that what she calls herself?"

"Said the Blue Beetle, misplacing his sense of irony."

"_Point is!" _Ted insisted, "I can't explain any of it. I might as well be insane. Am I in a straitjacket right now? Are you visiting me in an insane asylum? I don't know, maybe! I think I just had a threesome with Wonder Woman, what do I know?"

"You're not hallucinating," Booster told him. And for some reason, Ted found that a bit unsettling.

"Is it hot in here?" Ted tugged on the collar of his robe. "This thing is fluffy, but I don't think it's _that _fluffy. I'm sweating."

"Listen, Ted, I want you to relax. Just breathe, deep and evenly, and don't try to move."

Ted felt himself tingle with panic. "Alright, Booster, are you pranking me? Because that is a really creepy, mean prank to play. That's a prank the internet would make."

"Ted, do you watch Doctor Who?"

"Booster, _of course _I watch Doctor Who."

"Then you know that some bits of time you can alter—save people, change courses, rewrite history—and then there's hard time. Things you can't change. Even if you want. Even if you really, really want to."

"Yeah, that's why the Doctor can't stop the Titanic from sinking, it's a fixed point in time. So wh—is this a fixed point?"

Booster bit his lip. "Relativistically speaking."

His heartburn was getting worse. "What can't you change?"

"Ted, fourth-dimensional physics is hard to explain—"

"I'm smart; try."

Booster sighed. He took off his goggles. He took down his cowl. "This isn't the original timeline. Heck, the original timeline isn't the original timeline. My subjective past is already full of time travelers and retcons and—I've been helping to fix things. In my timeline, before I changed it, Sue's dead…"

"I don't believe it—"

"Max Lord is a supervillain…"

"That I can believe."

"And he shoots you. Shoots you in the head, Blue."

Sweat stung into Ted's eyes. He wiped it away with the back of his hand, eventually using the sleeve of his robe. "But you changed it, right, you fixed things?"

"Some. What I could. But it's not all—you have to die, Ted. It's part of the plan, the will of the universe, a bad roll of the dice, whatever you want to call it. We've had this conversation before, a dozen times, and I lose you every time. This time you're just having a heart attack."

"So call 911, fly me to an ER, get Dr. House to look at me—"

"I've tried that!" Booster interrupted, teeth gritted. He instantly regretted his outburst, wiping at his worn face. "You spend twenty hours in pain instead of two minutes. Or a nurse messes up your prescription and you convulse to death. Or the ambulance gets hit by a truck. Nothing changes."

"Then why are you here?" Ted tried to laugh. "Wanna get back that twenty bucks I owe you?"

"I wanted to see you off. Ted, in the timeline where Max killed you, people _worshipped _you. No one—none of us—knew what we had until you were gone. I pulled some strings with the Monitors, had them just… move that feeling around so people felt it before you died instead of after."

"That's what was going on with all the women? They all wanted me to go out with a bang?"

"So to speak. I thought—if you had to die—better to go out from doing too many ladies than because Max Lord wanted to take over the world."

"That's fair. Oh!" Ted clutched his chest. That really did sting. "Thanks, Booster. I'm—actually kinda cool with this. Probably the only way I was ever going to have a threesome, let alone with the Wonder Twins."

"_You did them too?" _Booster cried.

"What? No, Diana and Donna."

"Oh. Right. Yeah, actually in one timeline you're married to Fire _and _Ice, so…"

"You couldn't have let me have that one?"

"And the world is ruled by Orca."

"Even so…" A sudden pang drove Ted out of his seat and onto the floor. Booster rushed to the side, getting an arm around his shoulders, holding him tight.

"Easy. That's the worst of it. It's just like going to sleep now. Just let go."

Ted blinked. His eyesight was getting dark around the edges. He didn't think it was going to get better. "Wanna hear something funny?"

"Always."

"I don't really care about me—I'm worried about you. What are you gonna do without me around to tell you how stupid you're being?"

Booster almost managed a smile. "I guess I'll just have to stop being stupid."

"Oh, that old plan…" Ted closed his eyes. "You were great, Booster. You were really, really great. The best friend a guy ever had. And I'm not just saying that because I've screwed more superheroes than Ryan Reynolds."

Ted was glad he couldn't see, because it sounded like Booster was crying. "Hey, people come back all the time, right? Ice just came back. The Birds of Prey—I'm not gonna say goodbye. I thought I could, but I can't. I'm not. See you later, jerk."

"See you later, asshat."


	10. Chapter 10

"So, am I a ghost now? Do I get to haunt people? I can think of a lot of people, currently unhaunted, who could use a good haunting."

The Goth girl smiled at his antics. He was taking his death rather well. Much better than the last time. Sometimes she could get so annoyed with superheroes—always nipping back to the material world like the afterlife was a time-share—but this one…

"No haunting," she informed him. "What's done is done. I'll be escorting you to your just rewards right after."

"Right after what?" Ted asked.

Death smiled at him. Then she undid her studded belt. "And don't even think of saying 'not today'."

She led him to a velvet-covered chaise in an odd magenta that Ted hadn't noticed before. Ghost furniture, he thought bemusedly. Death laid down on the pink cushions, gently peeling her leather pants down her legs. Her crotch was dark with hair, perfect blackness between her sugar-white legs.

"I know how you guys are. You'll die before you eat pussy. But guess what?" She reached down, opening up her dark-haired mound. Well, it was good to know not _all _of her was white. "Enough flirting with Death. Time to make good."

"With pleasure." Ted got down to kiss her navel with a tickling tongue. "Might be a different story if you weren't so… fleshy."

"Is that a subtle way of telling me I'm fat?" Death moaned suddenly, tensing her muscles against him. Her hands slid through his hair. "You were expecting maybe a black guy with skis? Someone in a dark robe with a big scythe?"

Ted didn't resist as she pulled him even closer. "Let's just say I wouldn't have been surprised by a boner."

His lips traveled over her cool belly until he felt the curly fur between her legs. Ted ran his nose over the oyster-pink lips, scenting her secret perfume. "This place smells of Death," he intoned in a heavy voice.

Death looked down at him, unamused. "Get to work, mortal. I get enough of that from Deadpool."

"Who?"

"_I said _don't worry about it." She preened, raising her crotch to his face. He planted his lips against hers and kissed softly until her belly was shivering and fluttering before him. Soon, he doubted she could hold still at all. Her whole body was writhing and twisting under his tongue; he put his hands on her thighs to hold her down and found them clenched tightly.

"That's more like it," Death keened. "Very nice…"

He wasn't going for nice. Moving up, Ted licked hard and fast at her clit. With each lap he felt it pound with her pulse. The more he licked, the faster it pounded. Her fingers dug into his disheveled hair and every breath she took was a sighing sob.

"Coming!" she reported breathlessly. "I'm coming!"

He clamped down hard on her clit with his mouth, vibrating his tongue against it, and she had to clap a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. She jerked and kicked with the violence of her orgasm, gushing onto Ted's face. She was still panting when he pulled away from her. The lower half of his face was glossily wet.

"This tastes like Smirnoff Ice!"

"Of course? Haven't you heard that Smirnoff Ice tastes like death?" She ran a lazy hand through her pubic hair, then peeled off her tanktop. Her breasts were pale white with black nipples. She played with them, letting him watch for a moment before opening her legs again. "Back to work now, lover-boy."

"But I thought…"

"You're a superhero," she reminded him. "Why would you ever think Death would only come for you once?"

He had wanted to try something new anyway. Lowering his mouth to her still shuddering body, he pried his tongue into her labia lips. Death felt them wetly open, something hot and wild sliding in between, flailing wildly inside her as it burrowed deeper. Almost immediately Death was straining upward in answer to him; she cried out as his tongue wedged inside her and glided back, glided back and wedged inside her like a gentle lover.

"That's it, that's it—eat me! Make me come all over again! Oh, all those cancer patients and suicidals, they all say 'fuck death,' but none of them ever do! Fuck me! _Fuck me!"_

She was squealing as his tongue lapped greedily at her inner walls, prompting a steady flow of her juices that he swallowed up gulp by gulp. It only took a few minutes of furious effort before she was climaxing again, wailing in total abandon, unable to stop even if she wanted to. Fresh spasms shot through her and she shook in obliging pleasure.

"Peachy keen!" she cheered as a series of earthquakes began, centered on her tongue-filled sex. She fell back to the couch, her hips in an upswing that mated her cunt to Ted's face, writhing and twisting herself into Ted's mouth, until her gleeful release was finished. And still her eyes fluttered with the remembrance of what had happened as she laid in a gasping heap before Ted, as he rose before her, his cock painfully stiff, needing to be salved by her glistening pussy.

"Oh, Ted!" she gasped desperately. "Please, put that beautiful cock inside me! I need to feel it inside me—pounding away!"

Ted paused for only an instant. "You sure we have time for the full nine rounds?"

Death's eyes drifted to the side as she considered it. "I don't have that much on my plate—I suppose I should get around to picking up the Joker one of these days—oh, hell, let the Black Flash do it. He never does anything anyway! Now don't keep a girl waiting, Kord—get that cock to Death's door!"


End file.
